How To Spot A Freshman in Three Easy Steps

How To Spot A Freshman in Three Easy Steps

By Kent McGroarty

Is that nubile young lass with the big backpack and the scared expression a freshman, or a really insecure sophomore? Read on to find out for sure.

Freshmen Tendency #1: Traveling in Herds.

If you see one, you will most likely see 10 others. They move in packs, like wolves or Canadian geese. Why? Maybe because they're afraid. And you can't blame them. It's scary to be taken from your home and forced to reside in a small room away from friends and family. Freshmen have to eat at certain times of day, sleep on plastic mattresses, and live with a stranger who will likely turn out to be total wingnut. Traveling in herds makes freshmen feel less alone.

Freshmen Tendency #2: Overdressing.

Some freshmen girls love wearing dresses and high-heeled shoes complete with "done" hair and full makeup. To class. Are they on their way to a wedding reception? No, it's 9 a.m., and it's Tuesday. Perhaps they do it because they simply love to wear such clothes to class, which is perfectly fine. But if they're doing it to impress upperclassmen boys, they will soon discover that the outfits are not necessary. Desperate upperclassmen boys will be banging down their doors no matter what they wear. And besides, we all know these dressed-to-the-nines frosh will be wearing hoodies and pajama pants to class by the time they're sophomores.

Freshmen Tendency #3: Partying In Residence Halls.

Since freshmen cannot "go out" unless they have completely fabulous fake IDs (which can be filed under "Stuff of the Past" due to those bar scan thingies on IDs now), they go to assorted apartments and dorm rooms around campus. This can be problematic if about 20 of them pile into an elevator, break it, and then clamber out only to sit in the foyer of your building for hours on end (and refusing to let you into your own building as you stand there struggling to find your keys).

So there you have it: three surefire signs that someone is, in fact, a freshman. Ah, but fear not, college freshmen of the world. Soon enough you will be sophomores, and can roll your eyes and snicker at the new crop of freshmeat, er, freshmen.

How do you spot freshmen?

Related post: How to Impress People at College

Topics: freshmen, residence halls

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