How to Tell Your College Roommate You Own a Snuggie
EMDEE_3, your college roommate won't care if you own a Snuggie; they'll be too busy loving you for being HILARIOUS.—Sparkitors
You've seen the commercials, you've laughed over the ridiculous advertising campaign, and you've even co-produced a YouTube parody for the Outhouse Snuggie (a bathrobe with a butt flap). You've sworn never to buy one, and you've taken an oath to make fun of anyone who does. And then, the unthinkable happens: you're given a Snuggie by a well-meaning aunt, and all of a sudden, you're in love. It's so warm! It's so convenient! It's a blanket with sleeves!
But your happiness is short-lived: now it's time to pack up, go off to college, and move into a dorm. You know you'll be bringing your Snuggie with you, and you also know that you may be wearing it for weeks at a time. There's only one problem: your roommate might not be quite so enamored with your choice of wardrobe. S/he might still be in the “merciless mockery” stage of Snuggie acceptance. Don't worry: there are a few ways to deal with this situation.
1. Hope for the best: Once you've moved into your dorm, lay your Snuggie out in plain sight. This will give your roommate three options:
1. Express a positive opinion, such as “I’ve always wanted one of those! You're great!"
2. Express a negative opinion, such as “You seriously have one of those stupid things? You're such a LOSER.”
3. Express neutrality by saying nothing.
If your roommate chooses the "negative opinion" route, punch him/her in the face, wrap your Snuggie firmly and proudly around your shoulders, and switch to a room with an open-minded peer who understands your need for personal freedom.
2. Be up front: Send your future roommate a message describing your situation. This way, you can inform her of your Snuggie ownership/obsession and give her a little time to get used to the idea of you prancing around in an oversized beach towel before you move in together. Example: “ Mary, I have a confession: I own a Snuggie, and I love it. I hope this does not alter your perception of me. Can't wait to meet you in a few weeks! P.S. I'm bringing a TV!”
3. Deny everything: If your roommate confronts you about your Snuggie, deny all accusations. Soon, s/he will grow tired of arguing with you and will drop the subject entirely. Example:
Roommate: Why are you wearing a Snuggie?
You: I do not know what you are talking about.
Roommate: The tag says “Snuggie.”
You: I see no tag.
Roommate: You’re wearing a blanket with sleeves!
You: You can't prove anything.
4. Defend your Snuggie to the death: If your roommate begins harassing you, tell her she's a close-minded fool. You love your Snuggie, so put on your confidence pants and fight for it! Examples:
*“Well excuse me for wanting to read in total warmth and comfort.”
*“You know, they used to make fun of Plato for thinking the Earth was round.”
*“You’re just jealous because you have a cold heart and cold arms!”
5. Blog about It: If you're uncomfortable with all the other options, write a blog for SparkLife instructing others how to tell their roommates about their Snuggie situation. Paste the link to this blog on your roommate’s Facebook wall, and wait for his/her reaction.
Anyone willing to cop to owning a Snuggie? We've got three—the leopard print is just so chic!
Related post: I-Hate-You-College-Roommate-And-I'm-Moving-Out-Letter