Recently, I wrote an article on the hipster. This week, I’ll take a look at its lesser-known antithesis, the Bro.
You can probably tell where the bros got their name—they really like to call each other bro. Fun fact: many bros belong to fraternities, and “fraternity” comes from the Latin word “frater,” which means brother. Another fun fact: I took Latin classes until eighth grade, and didn’t get much more than that out of it. Although the bro community is exclusively male, their female companions are often called broh**s and often belong to sororities. My school, like many, doesn’t have fraternities or sororities, but our bro community thrives nonetheless. Here’s how to spot a bro:
Extracurricular activities: Bros are renowned for their parties. In fact, partying may be their biggest and only talent. Think of every college movie with a rowdy party you’ve ever seen: probably full of bros. Solo cups and bros go together like me and stress about finals.—i.e., they’re almost inseparable. While they’re not partying, hungover, or attending the occasional class, bros can often be seen in the gym, on the basketball courts, or in the tanning booth. Which brings us to our next section.
Appearance: This is how you REALLY discern the bro from the masses. They obsess over their appearance—they work out a lot, try to get the perfect tan, and actually care how their hair looks. Right now, I do believe (not entirely sure—these things are so difficult, you know?) that the fauxhawk is popular, meticulously gelled to perfection. SEE: David Beckham. Bros also will buzz their hair short, so they can perch a baseball cap atop at the perfect 35-degree angle to the right. SEE: Channing Tatum, circa Step Up. Some let their hair grow out so it can lie carefully tousled across their forehead. SEE: Zac Efron, Justin Bieber (ugh. I know). They basically dress like your typical high school prep… except preppier than any high school prep you’ve met. Designer jeans, Abercombie, American Eagle, Hollister, and mainly tight-fitting polo shirts and button-ups (that they don’t button up, preferring to show off another undershirt or two). Not that name brands are necessarily BAD, but that’s all they wear. They like Lacoste and Puma shoes, canvas belts, just a BIT of boxer briefs showing, popped collars, and sometimes aviator glasses.
Careers: Not many people like bros, with the exceptions of other bros, their female companions, and those who mooch alcohol off them. One thing I’ve never understood, though, is what bros do after college. Does anyone know? Has anyone met a post-graduation fratboy/bro? Do they just disappear? Or do they become that weird alumnus (or sketch alum, for brevity’s sake)? I’ve seen these sketch alums; they hang around campus, purchasing alcohol and waiting for people to let them into parties. I hope that’s not the fate of all bros—I’d like to think that humanity has more potential than that.
Ginger’s Song of the Week: I’m pretty sure there's a rule written down in the Book of Bro that Benny Benassi must be played at every bro party. I usually don’t listen to techno, but this one isn't too bad as far as 5 minutes of repetition of the same catchy beat go. DISCLAIMER: It’s yet another remix of “Sweet Dreams,” so if you’re sick of those, try a different (perhaps more vulgar, but more popular, like “Satisfaction”) song.
Related post: Life According to Ginger: The Hipster Phenomenon
Is your school full of bros?