Boy Hunt: Why Geeraff is Lame
Geeraff is definitely lame...if by "lame" you mean "AWESOMEPANTS"! —Sparkitors
Let’s play a game I just made up. Are you ready? FANtastic! Welcome to the newest game show to sweep the nation: Why Geeraff Is Lame! And here’s the hostess with the mostess, Geeraff! (Applause and wild cheering.)
Hello, everyone, and welcome to this week’s installment of Why Geeraff Is Lame. To start us off, let’s spin the Wheel of Boy Targets, shall we? Here we go! (What sound does a spinning wheel make? Bing? Beep? I don’t know...) Around and around and around it spins, and it lands on... Spider Man!
Well, folks, looks like we’ll be starting off with some good news. Not only did I smile at Spider Man, but we actually had a conversation! That involved eye contact and coherent sentences! I know, I know, you’re shocked. Here’s how it happened.
I went to a party... well, more like I was forced to go to a party. Much emphasis on the “forced.” Trying to make the most of my ordeal, I decided to hunt down Hodgins. Was he there? Of course not. Because he’s shy, too. And he either has friends that are normal enough not to take him hostage, or he’s a faster runner than I am when it comes to escape. But in a surprise twist, Spider Man was there!
Now, here’s where the lame part comes in. Turns out that even though I've been friends with Spider Man’s friends since last year, he thought I was a first-year in college, rather than a second. (Cue pathetic sigh.) But that’s all right! If we look at this glass in the half-full-type-way, now at least he knows I exist. Which is probably better than how things are going with Hodgins... more on that later.
Uh, let’s do the wheel thing again. Brrring! (Oh, I like that sound.) Around and around and around it spins, and it lands on... Benedict Arnold! Now, here’s where I sort of failed as a boy hunter. I couldn’t even find him. That’s right. He disappeared. It’s like he knew. But not to fear, wonderful viewers; I ran into him eventually. Arnie, (can I call him that?) and a few of his friends passed me when I was with a few of my friends. And then—and then!—he gave me a HEAD NOD. That’s right, people. I, Geeraff, repeller of all attractive men, received a head nod. And what was the sole word that somehow managed to be processed and approved by my brain?
(Actually, this totally makes sense in context, because we were in fact getting ready to go caroling. Which means I was bundled up like an Eskimo.)
Arnie: We’re going to get coffee, but I might be tempted to go on Thursday.
Oh man. He’s so cool. I didn’t feel it was necessary to tell him I would probably be at home watching my soap operas on Thursday. It might have ruined the moment. But I think my facial features resembled a smile. That makes us two for two at this point in the game. Why, Geeraff, you don’t sound lame at all, right? But here’s the twist.
One of my dear friends who happened to witness the exchange that went SO well in my head, pulled me aside and burst my bubble. Well, actually, she shattered my bubble into a zillion pieces.
You know that type of friend that you magically discover is good friends with every decent guy around even though she has a great boyfriend? Yeah? Well, I have one of those. And apparently, although I was deserving of a gold trophy in my head because of this great accomplishment, on the outside, I still came off as a small, timid, and shy mouse.
Armed with this new insight, I realized I needed to reevaluate my game plan. Obviously, I know I'm awesome. It’s common logic. I’m shy. All shy people are awesome. But somehow, when thrown out into the open with people I don’t know that well, all confidence I have packs up and takes the first flight to Madagascar. (I think my confidence likes lemurs.) I just have to figure out how to remember that I’m super-mega-foxy-awesome-hot at all times... and the sign my friends made for my door saying such kind of helps.
Why look at that! We’re almost at the end of our show. Wheel time! Brrring! Around and around and around it spins, and it lands on... Benedict Arnold! Wait, hold on, let me just... (Geeraff casually moves the wheel farther.) Hodgins! I bet the viewers at home have high expectations for this one. Not only is Hodgins the fan favorite, but Geeraff herself believes him to be knees to her bees. (That’s the expression, right?)
So, did I have a conversation with him? Uh, you see, well, no.
Did I articulate any words while he was in listening range? That would be a negative.
How about a smile? Sadly, I must say no again. (See?! I told you Geeraff is lame.)
And it’s not like I didn’t have any opportunities to meet him, because we eat in the same dining hall at least three times a day. In fact, there was even a time when he was standing DIRECTLY BEHIND ME in line. But instead of putting on my confidence pants, my self-assurance shirt, and my challenge-acceptance socks, I froze up faster than my mittens after I’ve fallen too many times skating.
I keep hoping beyond hope that by learning to converse with Spidey and Arnie, I’ll be able to just walk up to the man of my dreams, shake his hand, and say “Hello. I exist.” And then he would fall madly in love with me. Ugh. Why must Hodgins be so scary? Huh? If someone can explain to me why this seemingly normal, nice, sweet guy paralyzes every normal thought I have just by walking into the room, that would be fantastic. Because I am baffled.
Now that classes are over until next year, it seems I’ll have to give my boy hunting gear a break and instead prepare for my entire family to arrive at my house. Yay.
And then... oh dear, it seems we’ve run out of time! We’ll see you next time on Why Geeraff Is Lame! Although, maybe it would be better if this never happened again... (Applause, and fade to black.)
Any words of wisdom for Geeraff?
Related post: Boy Hunt: Geeraff Identifies Her Targets