Confessions of a College Matchmaker: Lessons Learned from Hitch

Confessions of a College Matchmaker: Lessons Learned from Hitch

By Contributor

College matchmakers like emMCie never rest—even when they're watching movies. —Sparkitors

While I was home for the holidays, I really enjoyed the small luxuries I've gotten used to forgoing at college. Do you know the relief that comes with not having to wear shoes in the shower? Or not having to take an elevator down to eat breakfast? Or being able to watch television on something other than your laptop? Of all the home luxuries, my favorite has always been to pop in a DVD with my boyfriend, and make fun of it mercilessly.

Because I was deprived of my matchmaking activities while on winter break, I decided to revisit the ultimate in matchmaking films...Hitch. Although some might argue that Alicia Silverstone’s performance in Clueless rivals Will Smith’s portrayal of the ultimate date doctor, I’ve never been able to watch more than half of the classic “airhead” movie without spending the rest of the film searching for matching plaid blazer and skirt sets online. I’ll tell you, that movie kills brain cells.

To begin my analysis of the trials of Alex Hitchens, I would like to present this clip.

And now, I’d like to tell you that I think Will Smith’s advice is BAD. In this scene, Hitch encourages Albert to be someone other than himself. I repeat: BAD. When dating, the point is to find someone who likes you for you, and not for the lies you tell. So go ahead, “make the pizza.” “Throw away the Q-Tip.” Be yourself. Having a partner who dances badly shouldn’t make you self-conscious. You should appreciate him for having enough self-confidence not to care that he can't bust a move like everyone else.

The second piece of advice: there isn’t a single substance in this world that will make you act like a better you. Remember that scene where Hitch drinks a bit too much Benadryl and ends up staggering everywhere, revealing all his deeply personal secrets? This scene doesn't just apply to Bendadryl abusers. You don't need any intoxicant, including too much Mountain Dew. If your crush asked you out after meeting you solely in a classroom setting, it's safe to assume she likes your sober self. Don’t ruin it when you go out by acting like someone else.

Third, I leave you with the greatest romantic quote of the entire movie, to remind all those singletons that the right person is out there:

“You know what it's like getting up every morning feeling hopeless, feeling like the love of your life is waking up with the wrong man? But, at the same time, hoping that she still finds happiness, even if it's never going to be with you?”

Do you prefer Hitch or Clueless? Do you have any encouraging quotations for singletons?

Related post: Confessions of a College Matchmaker: How to Find a Good Matchmaker

Topics: crushes, confessions of a college matchmaker, hitch

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