What Your Future Roommate's Facebook Profile Says About Her

What Your Future Roommate's Facebook Profile Says About Her

By Jennifer Grudziecki

All you Sparklers out there who are headed off to college in the fall will soon be forced to learn a new hobby: emailing a complete stranger. A complete stranger who you are about to move in with. And no, I'm not talking about mail-order brides here. I'm talking about roommates!

Since moving in with someone you know practically nothing about can be about as awkward as peeing your pants in the middle of gym class (and just as smelly), it's time to get the lowdown on your roomie—and what better place to start than that garden of all personal knowledge, the virtual equivalent to a diary, Facebook?

  • If she has an update posted every 20 milliseconds... then your roommate either has no life, or she has a team of highly efficient personal assistants to catalog her every breath. If it doesn't appear like she is rich enough to hire a personal slave, then you can assume that your future roomie is addicted to technology. And telling other people about her personal life. She is exceedingly boring, and even more narcissistic. She will expect you to follow her every whim and she will fall asleep each night telling you every detail about her day that she can remember... which will mostly consist of other peoples' status updates.
  • If she only has pictures including her cat and/or parents... your roommate will be absolutely miserable. Not because she's clinically depressed, mind you (although she might be by the end of the year). No, your roommate is going to be as draw-droppingly homesick as an 8-year-old at sleepaway camp. She call home every 20 minutes and sigh heavily as she falls asleep each night staring at a picture of her pet bumblebee. Expect a lot of packages from home and several awkward visits from overbearing parents.
  • If all her status updates include angry song lyrics... your roomie aspires to be a musician, but will most likely spend her life following her favorite band around the country and attempting to sleep with the lead singer. She will blast her music while you try to study and constantly ridicule your fascination with country music. Your roomie also sports a tattoo on her left hip and several piercings, some of which will be in places not... readily visible.
  • If her profile includes black-and-white pictures of random feet and scruffy facial hair... prepare yourself for a hipster roommate and the plaid bedspread that will accompany her. She will stray from anything pop-culture related (so I hope for your sake you're not a cheerleader) and sneer at the Justin Beiber song on your iPod. She'll store her huge hipster-bike in your closet, which will be a major inconvenience when she "accidentally" tracks mud on your hot pink party dress.
  • If her all her pictures involve a hot guy... then you need to check RIGHT NOW to see if her boyfriend (you know she has one) is going to your college. If so, he's going to be at your apartment/dorm all the time, and you'd better start preparing yourself now to see them feeling each others' special lumps in your bedroom. While you're trying to sleep. At least she'll be at his place half the time.

Are you terrified of your future roommate?

Related Post: 10 Ways to Avoid a Bad Facebook Status

Topics: facebook, college, awkward situations, roommates, living on your own, strangers

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