How to Procrastinate
It’s currently two o’clock in the morning, and that huge paper—you know, the one you found out about a month ago—needs to be handed in five hours and 53 minutes from now. What are you going to do about it? Procrastinate some more, of course! People have practiced the art form of procrastination since the dawn of time, and now that we're in the age of the internet, wasting time is easier than ever.
Here at college, students take procrastination to a whole new level. They don’t have to sit in classes for six to seven hours straight, so they have more time to not do the work they should be doing. No one can boss these students around in college, so they get to do whatever they want! It’s like a little Neverland, but without the creepy hook-handed pirate running around. Instead of never growing up, they just never do their work. Some preferred methods of procrastination include:
Watching cat videos on the internet: All the fun of real cats, but without the severe allergic reactions! There are cute cats, there are cats who play the piano, and there is even something called a nyan cat. Thanks to the “suggested videos” tab, one cat video leads to another, and another, and another, and before you know it, 27 hours have gone by and you’re actually starting to smell like a cat.
Cleaning: It seems the best time to clean your dorm room is always when you should be completing some math problems instead. Spending time slaving over differential equations is not nearly as fun as slaving away with the vacuum and feather duster. While you’re at it, you might as well completely rearrange your desk! There’s simply no way you can finish that homework with the lamp on the left side of your computer. Go ahead and shove that textbook under the bed along with that pile of dirty laundry and socks.
Eating: You can’t complete any work on an empty stomach. It goes without saying that as soon as you sit down at your desk, your stomach starts to growl. That means it's time for a snack break! You could stay in your room and eat the food in there, but it just makes more sense to mosey on over to the dining hall for a late night munchie fest. NomNom time is necessary time.
Facebook: Facebook currently serves as the king of all procrastination tools. Why actually interact with people on campus, when you can just poke them instead? It happens all the time. You log onto the internet to check out that reading assignment for history, and inexplicably and without warning, Facebook opens up instead. You should be reading about the confederates and the antebellum, but instead you end up listening to Lady Antebellum and scrolling through all 114 of your friend’s profile pictures. Just when you attempt to log off, that little red flag pops up with the latest Words With Friends notification, and you’re basically trapped.
Eventually you’ll find a way past the hurdles of procrastination and finally plow your way through all that work. Once you’re all done you get a fancy degree. On that degree they will print Bachelor of Science; it’s called a BS degree for a reason!
Admit it: you're procrastinating RIGHT NOW!
Related post: Better Ways to Procrastinate