Help This Sparkler Edit Her FSU Application Essay!

Help This Sparkler Edit Her FSU Application Essay!

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theycallmefallon asked us in all caps if we'd post this, and of course we couldn't resist. Leave your comments and suggestions below for this college application essay! —Sparkitors

As a child, your brain is like a sponge, soaking up every drop of knowledge as if you’ll never see any again. Yeah, right. As a high school senior, I can give my personal testimony that you, in fact, will. At 17 years old, I would love to have the brain of a toddler. The frustrating part is, they don’t appreciate what they have! The only “sponge” they care about is the one with square pants! I pride myself on maintaining an above average brain absorbency level through the many years of childhood. I suppose my brain and time formed a compromise; I’m glad they’re on good terms. I can attribute that rarity to the considerable amount of maturity I needed at a young age and life lessons learned as a result.

Since age twelve, I had been truly unhappy. Nights crawled by slowly; salty pools of tears became regular stains on my pillowcase. It became a pattern of unhappiness. I thought this was what life was. I had no idea there was another way, or that I deserved better.

Before I even realized, my mother had been setting a horrible example for my lifestyle.

Many late nights, and various excuses pardoning me from homework later, bad habits were set. I had neither discipline nor routine during elementary school, hindering my academics from the start. Wherever my mother wanted to take me, I went, dragged like a dog on a leash. After all, I was just a little kid being fed lies by the spoonful, every one leaving a sour taste in my mouth and an imprint on my perception.

In the summer of sixth grade, I finally became aware of her many flaws. I needed to get away but there was nowhere to run. I wrote poetry expressing my feelings and close relatives became disturbed. They had the right to be. Diagnosis: Depression.

As middle school ended, I was nowhere near prepared for the rigorous courses of high school.  Freshman and sophomore year passed me by, and little change occurred to neither my mother’s behavior nor my bad habits.

Junior year: a turning point. An opportunity unforeseen. An escape from my mother’s clutches. Child Protective Services: removal.

Home conditions: deplorable no longer. I’m free to go. Here I come dad.

New experiences and successes awaited me from the conducive environment I was soon to be a part of. Never before had I realized my potential to become an independent, successful, and strong woman.  Endless opportunities stretched on before my eyes, a new path unveiled.

The experience through my teens, and long awaited happiness, has now given me the strength to learn, not only curriculum in class, but from others and experiences as well. I believe, we take life lessons from everyday situations and apply them, either immediately, or later in life. I intend on doing so in college, broadening my knowledge with new and exciting encounters that will be the antithesis of past misfortunes.

What did you think of theycallmefallon's essay? Any critques? How can she improve it?

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Topics: college applications, depression, application essays, college application essays, help this sparkler

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