Courtney Guth hopes you got all your malaria vaccinations, because you are about to enter the DANGER ZONE.—Sparkitors
Observe, if you will, the natural habitat of most college students: the lecture hall, a dense, dark, jungle of knowledge and learning. Deep within this jungle, you will often find all types of college animals—er, students. On any given day, you’ll most likely discover over 200 different species and organisms. However, certain groups remain prevalent throughout each hall. These five are some of the most dangerous:
Sleeping Beauty: You can often spot this creature, you guessed it, sleeping. She probably had a wild night out or maybe spent too much time cramming for that organic chemistry exam, but she somehow managed to drag herself to class. Lulled to sleep by a professor’s droning words, she’s often caught snoring or leaving a little pile of drool on her desk. It’s best to just let this girl catch up on her beauty sleep. You don’t want to face the wrath of waking her up. Leave that to the annoyed king of this Jungle, the Professor.
Computer Boy: You will frequently observe Computer Boy sitting right in front you using his laptop for anything but taking notes. More often than not, you’ll find him creeping on Facebook, possibly playing Words with Friends, or uploading pictures from the night before. Even worse is the variety with an affinity for StumbleUpon. Each new click brings something interesting. It’s easy to become distracted by his web surfing; just try your best to look away. The World Wide Web is one web you don’t want to be caught in in lecture hall.
Professor’s Pet: This students is one of the most annoying ones you will ever encounter. This lovechild of the of the know-it-all and the overachiever has the capacity to annoy you like no other. She is oddly compelled to nod her head along with everything that the professor says. Similarly, she raises her hand to answer every question and laughs at every joke. No professor is that funny. Nothing will satisfy you more than beating this one to the punch…or maybe just punching her in the face.
Your Grandfather: Of course, this guy isn’t actually your grandfather, but he is definitely old enough to be one. Often a returning student, this guy provides ample opportunity for opposing views though they’re often outdated. He’s a vast source of knowledge, but he does seem somewhat out of place amongst the throngs of frat brothers and fresh-faced students.
The BFFs: These two girls decided it would be like totally AWESOME to take a class together. They’re typically far too focused on their gossip session to have any idea what is going on in the class. Their incessant chatting distracts almost everyone around them. Expect frequent fits of giggling and laughter, perhaps even matching outfits. Sit as far away from them as possible.
Surviving this jungle of students isn’t an easy task, but it can be done. It just takes a strategic seating plan and a thick skin. Watch out for Jungle Fever, and you will be fine.
Does this sound like your lecture hall? If we're remembering correctly, ours had a lot more tigers.
Related post: The Daily Trials of an English Major