Firstly, I'd just like to say that no, this is not the JennaMarbles video. As stellar as her advice is, it simply doesn't work with everyone, and I wouldn't feel comfortable recommending using it...really ever. So let's say you have an obnoxious person in your life. Let's call him/her... Pat (the most obnoxious gender-neutral name I could think of). And let's put you in several, mostly hypothetical, situations.
In the dining hall:
Pat: OH MY GOD THIS FOOD IS SO AWFUL I DON'T WANT TO EAT ANY OF IT. DO YOU? BECAUSE I DON'T.
You say: No I don't, Pat. It's been nice talking to you! I'm going to go sit down with my friends.
Pat: I LOVE EATING WITH FRIENDS I'M GOING TO GO EAT WITH YOU GUYS, OK?
You say: I guess you can if you really want to, Pat... but I'll warn you... we've scheduled our lunchtime debate about economic policy of the 70's.
(I don't want to go around dissing people who enjoy economic policy, but I've found that this usually works. Usually. Also, it's a good idea to keep switching up the topics of lunchtime debate. There are only so many debates that can be had about economic policy of the 70's.)
In your hall:
Pat: HI GUESS WHAT HAPPENED TO ME THIS WEEKEND I TOTALLY MADE EYE CONTACT WITH THAT PERSON THAT I'M INTERESTED IN
You say: That's pretty cool, Pat. You know what else is cool? Taking showers. I'm gonna go take a shower.
This method is pretty much foolproof... except if you're just getting out of the shower. And if your friends are with you... sorry. It's a matter of self-preservation.
You say: That's pretty cool, Pat. You know what? I totally just remembered that I forgot that one thing that I need that's in my room. You probably shouldn't walk with me to go get it because I'm going to have to run so I won't be late for that appointment that I have. And then I have to take a shower.
In academic buildings:
Pat: HI OH MY GOD I TOTALLY JUST GOT AN A ON MY EXAM.
You say: That's pretty cool, Pat. Well, I definitely need to talk to this person that just walked past in the opposite direction, so I'll catch you later, ok?
If there aren't many people in your academic building of choice, you can always say you have to go take a shower. That usually works.
In the shower:
Sorry. Can't help you there. You have a problem on your hands.
Ginger's Song of the Week: It took me an embarrassingly long time (precisely, until 5 minutes ago) to realize that Matchbox 20 is a legitimately good band, and not just because of “How Far We've Come.”
How do you get rid of the Pats in your life?
Related post: How to Deal With Other People's Annoying Behaviors