A Guide to Pledging, by the Ultimate Anti-Greek

A Guide to Pledging, by the Ultimate Anti-Greek

By Contributor

dac213 doesn’t know exactly what's happening on Greek Row, but she’s pretty sure it has something to do with Voldemort. –Sparkitors

I did not, and will not, pledge a sorority. I know that to many people, joining frats and sors (does this sound like it could be a WWI trench disease to anyone else?) is a once in a lifetime bonding experience in which you meet new people who will call themselves your siblings and get you jobs, but to me they just seem like formalized cliques that you’re part of forever. They’re forever cliques! Plus, as an older sibling myself (by which I mean I share parents with a person younger than me), I can speak to the fact that real siblings don’t act like best friends (most of the time), and even if I had a sister my age, we probably wouldn’t grind with each other and then make fun of other people's fake tans. However, while I’m an adamant non-Greek, my roommate and about half of my hallmates are very pro-Greek. Because of this, I have a vague idea of how getting into a forever clique works:

Step 1: Rushing

You go to a bunch of parties in different houses (Each frat and sor gets their own house, separate from normal student housing, proving how far these cliques have gone), and the Greeks observe how you act in social situations. Activities include cornhole, the underage consumption of alcohol, and splitting your soul into seven different pieces.

Step 2: Bidding

The Dark Lords of the forever cliques bid on the pieces of your soul. If more than one bids on you, then it’s up to you to pick which one you want to pledge. The sisters will try to convince you to join them using one of two means: cupcakes or cruelty.

Step 3: Pledging

You do a bunch of top-secret and likely illegal things so that the leaders of your chosen forever clique will like you and want to hang out with you at Sigma Phi Broheim. I’m not sure what happens here, but I imagine that, after sealing the pieces of your soul into different objects, you do a bunch of community service things—after which you’re forced to drink a lot while being hit with bats. (Hazing is illegal in many states, but you know it still happens.)

Step 4: “Bigs”

This term refers to your new big sister or brother! Not sure how it’s done in frats, but in sors there’s a “Big Sis Week,” in which your Big, unknown to you at that point, will shower you with gifts, like an evil version of Secret Santa. At the end of the week, you learn who your Big is, and there is much rejoicing! (re: drinking.) You may also have a “twin,” which means your Big couldn’t decide between the two of you and so chose both. Adorable! You and your twin will then compete to see who is more evil.

Step 5: Initiation

After surviving hazing, sealing your soul into inanimate objects, and all that community service, you are now officially a sister or brother of your chosen forever clique! Except now you have to be “initiated.” As the secrets of initiation are far too real for us civilians, I can only assume there’s a ceremony, and perhaps more underage illegal activities?

Yes. Definitely more illegal activities.

Is dac being unfair to the Greeks, or does this sound about right?

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Topics: sparkler posts, college, sororities, fraternities, greek life, pledging

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