Auntie SparkNotes: In Search of Nerdgirls

Auntie SparkNotes: In Search of Nerdgirls

By kat_rosenfield

Dear Auntie,
I'm at an all male, private college and there are several schools with female populations around my school. Trouble is, I can't really seem to meet the type of girl I'm looking for without appearing to be a creep as my only methods of meeting girls at this point are through frat parties, which I go to but let's just say the pickings aren't up to snuff from what I can tell, and other parties held at the other schools which seem to bring in a similar crowd. The type of girl I'm looking for, I don't think, would be found in any party environment unless that party was related to some nerdy interest, as what I'm pursuing are girls of the more nerdy persuasion.

I'm more of a hybrid nerd thing (according to my nerd friends who don't attend frat parties and the like) and I highly doubt I'll find another girl like myself at a party. The other method, I thought, was to use Facebook... but I feel like a stalker as I peruse mutual friends of my friends that I don't actually know in person. So what do I do? I thought about trying the local bookstore, but then, the girls there probably wouldn't be willing to meet a guy, especially if the girl in question is a bibliophile or just not interested in anything else besides what she was doing. Not to mention many nerdy girls are quite shy and may not even like to be out in public places. If at all possible, ideally I would like to find a girl who digs Pokemon (Digimon works too), and anime or manga or graphic novels, a fan of HP or Eragon or LoTR or Star Wars or Doctor Who, has an artistic side, is a gamer, and enjoys going out and partying. Ideally that's what I'm looking, but I would be very happy with just two of the above. Is it at all possible to find an obtain one of these elusive female nerds and what methods are there to accomplish this feat?!

For starters, Sparkler, you can remember the following important axiom:
When you assume, you make an ass out of you and me.

But mostly you. Like, pretty much almost entirely you. And to stop the assitude in its tracks, please cease the following activities immediately:

- Assuming that it's creepy to show interest in a girl you'd like to meet.
- Assuming that there's no female equivalent for your "hybrid nerd" persona.
- Assuming that all nerdy girls are shy to the point of hermitude.
- And, therefore, assuming that partygoing girls are unworthy based solely on the fact that they're at a party.
- Assuming that girls are an easily-labeled series of monolithic archetypes as opposed to individual people.

And then, consider this: you're a self-described "hybrid nerd" who enjoys such intellectual pursuits as reading, gaming, supernatural/fantasy pop culture, etc; who also enjoys socializing, partying, and going out; and who, in the absence of parties designated specifically for Hybrid Nerds, attends whatever parties are available in order to get the social stimulation you crave. But despite the fact that you need only look as far as a mirror in order to confirm that yes, people like you do exist, you think that encountering a nerdy-but-fun-loving girl at one of these very same parties is an impossibility.

Dude. DUDE. Do you see where you've gone wrong, here? Or do I have to call the Cognitive Dissonance Police?

Basically, if you exist, it's a fair bet that your female counterpart does, too—and that she's frequenting the same parties, pop culture movements, and bookstore sections are you are. And while I've no doubt that you've been having a hard time meeting one of these lovely ladies, it's not because they're all hiding in a bunker somewhere, afraid to go outside. It's because getting to know another human being requires time, energy, and a least a modicum of emotional investment... none of which you can accomplish by surveying a party and summarily dismissing everyone in attendance as "not up to snuff."

So, for starters, ditch the wishlist of desirable ladytraits; romantic connection is not about measuring girls against a checklist and seeing how many boxes you can tick. And then—and I know, this sounds totally crazy—the next time you see a girl you like the look of, talk to her and see what happens. Why? Four reasons:

1) Talking to a girl is a) not creepy, and b) the only way to determine if you have any chemistry.
2) Good chemistry is more important than the number of things that you have in common.
3) But if you do have things in common, they'll be revealed naturally as the two of you talk.
4) And if your nerdy common denominator isn't great enough, consider this: there are few things greater than introducing a person you adore to an activity/literary series/cultural movement you also adore, and then adoring it together.

And if you don't believe me, here's a fun personal fact: once upon a time, I met a guy who—upon discovering that I had never read the Harry Potter books—made it his personal mission to introduce me to the entire series. AND NOW WE ARE MARRIED.

The bad news: there are no tricks, shortcuts or strategems for meeting the type of girl you'll like, because there are no tricks, shortcuts or strategems for human connection. Period. So if you want to do it, you're just going to have to use all the same tactics as the rest of us. (Among them: chatting up likely-looking ladies, joining clubs and activities at which you're likely to meet people with common interests, and working your social circle for romantic leads—since, of course, people who get along with your friends are that much more likely to get along with you, too.)

The good news: considering that this is how pretty much everyone in the world meets, dates, and mates, I'm sure you'll be fine.

And do the local nerdladies have anything to add? Tell us in the comments! And to get advice from Auntie, email her at advice@sparknotes.com.

Related post: The Perks of Branching Out of Your Social Group

Topics: facebook, auntie sparknotes, dating, nerds, college life, greek life, meeting people

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