Things are looking good for Faye and Ash...but what about Faye and her fake boyfriend? —Sparkitors
Hi, and welcome to THE GIRLS’ ROOM!
(Throwback to early 2000’s Nickelodeon, anyone? Anyone? Okay then.)
Well I’m Faye, and I’m SUPER POPULAR! This week in THE GIRLS’ ROOM, we’re going to be talking about boys.
Except we kind of already did that. My dorm room was the hotspot for girl-talk this week. Friday night after Smash Bros. and board games, us girls holed up in my room for a play-by-play analysis of the night’s events. Basically, we dissected everything Ash did. The group consensus was that Ash likes me. Even my friend from Physics who only ever sees Ash and I together during Engineering said, “From an outside observer, it’s pretty obvious that he likes you.” The problem is that no one knows what I should do next. I just have to keep doing what I’m doing, drop a few more hints, and hope that he makes a move. And the perfect place for that to happen is at...
The Winter Ball! Let me list the reasons why the Winter Ball is awesome.
1) Ash will be there. ‘Nuff said.
2) Everyone looks good in formalwear, and I have a drop dead gorgeous dress that will knock Ash’s socks off. It’s satin, it hugs me in all the right places, and it’s cute, sexy, and pink! I’ve refusing to allow him to see it until the night of the formal—I’m going for the “wow factor.” If Ash is even mildly attracted to me, he won’t be able to keep his hands off me in that dress. And that’s a good thing.
3) It’s Christmastime, so there will be roaring fires and twinkling icicle lights—romantic lighting for the win!
4) Our whole floor is going as each other’s dates. I suggested that we take the classic prom picture (you know, the one where the guy stands behind the girl and does the awkward arm-holding-backward-hug-thing) except we make a long chain of everybody holding everyone else. Epic.
5) The grand ballroom at my school may or may not look exactly like HOGWARTS. (!!!)
Now Sparklers, I’m sure you’re all aware of the fact that when the stars are aligned and everything looks like it’s about to go perfectly, something goes terribly, horribly wrong. (Cue the dramatic music.)
I was talking to Rosie, my psychology major suite-mate, and she brought up something that I’ve been trying not to think about.
Rosie: I think that Ash and your fake boyfriend BOTH like you.
Rosie: No really, think about it.
Me: Uh oh.
First things first, my fake boyfriend needs a legitimate codename. He’s sweet, huggable, cute in the way your younger brother is cute, and musical. I’m thinking Justin Bieber.
It’s all sort of obvious when I think about it. Ash and I will be programming in my room when J.Biebs walks in with his calculus book. Or Bieber and I will be chillin’ in the lounge when Ash gets back from class and joins us. Or Ash and the JB are playing Nintendo in Ash’s room and they invite me to play. It’s always me and my boys.
This is bad. I like Ash. Ash and JB both like me (if my friend’s hypothesis is correct). Ash and JB are close friends—they’re planning on rooming together next year. Somebody’s going to get hurt. Gah! Sparklers, what do I do?
T-minus 2 weeks ‘til Finals. Who’s freaking out? I’m not freaking out. I'M NOT FREAKING OUT.
Real quick, it’s Double College Fact time!
College Fact #9: Honors kids are the cool kids. Seriously, if given the opportunity to live in the honors dorm, do it! I walked off the elevator onto the floor Saturday night to a full-on poker tournament. Everybody at the table was wearing sunglasses and fedoras (except for the one kid with an afro wig). They were singing along to Wicked. These are the moments that make you say “I love College.”
College Fact #10: Osmosis—it’s not just for water anymore. If you want to get work done, go some place where other people are doing work, like the library. There’s something about seeing everyone around you being focused that motivates you to actually get something accomplished.
I’m so tired I can’t even think of a clever ending. Meh. Sleep is for the weak.
What do you think Faye should do about Ash and The Beibster?
Related Post: Sleep is for the Weak
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