The People You'll Meet at Occupy Finals Week

The People You'll Meet at Occupy Finals Week

By Contributor

Courtney Guth has a field guide to studious types. Enjoy! —Sparkitors

It’s time to occupy finals week! Students may not be protesting their classes, but they’re most definitely occupying the library.

At all hours of the day and night, you’ll find students packing the carrels. They’re pulling all nighters. They’re cramming at the last minute. They’re even camping out. If you're enduring college finals week for the first time, you'll need this guide to the colorful characters you’ll most likely encounter.

Desk hog: During finals week, the library is often overcrowded, and study spots are a rare commodity. The desk hog takes far more than his fair share of space. He’s taken a whole table and managed to spread out three textbooks, four notebooks, a laptop, and food, thus leaving no room for anyone else. This guy either doesn’t know how to share, or has some serious personal space issues. In the words of Stephanie Tanner, “How rude!”

The “group study”: Much like the protestors, this group has objectives; they’re just not very clear. Their intentions are good, but they’re not getting anything done. This study group is having more fun goofing off in one of the lounges than reading Machiavelli. Rather than writing equations on the white board, they're playing hangman. I’d like to buy a vowel…and possibly a new study location, please.

Overly stressed guy: He just can’t take it anymore! And he’s managed to make that quite clear to everyone around him. He’s about to crack like an overzealous cop wielding pepper spray. Amid the already chaotic library scene, you can hear his long sighs and grunts of frustration. Watch out for the little clumps of hair that he’s pulled out. This is most likely the kid who signed up for 19 credits and now has seven finals and a paper all within the next few days. Try to sympathize, but don’t sit too close—stress is contagious.

The procrastinator: She’s written her name, the date, and a title on her paper. Apparently, that constitutes enough work to warrant a “study break.” Said break often consists of Facebook creeping, StumbleUpon browsing, and Tumblr Scrolling. After writing another sentence or two, it’s time for another break! She certainly believes that just having her notes in front of her counts for something. Kind of like that music video supporting Occupy Wall Street that Miley Cyrus made.

Sleepyhead: Some people take library studying to the extreme; they refuse to leave! Like the protesters camped out on the sidewalks, these students are camping in the stacks. You’re more than likely to see several people silently napping over their textbooks. Yeah, sometimes the material is just that boring. Be careful not to wake these sleeping beauties. You don’t want to incur their stress-induced wrath when they wake.

Are you camped out in the library right now?

Related post: All These Things Are Worse Than Finals

Topics: finals, stress, studying, exams, college life, the daily trials of an english major, finals week

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