It's finals week. You're stressed, I'm stressed, we're all stressed. Here are a few foolhardy ways to make things much worse, and eventually become an outcast, without hope or friends.
1) Play the game. I hope you know what I'm talking about.
“Oh man, I have a 10-page paper due tomorrow.”
“Yeah, me too, except I haven't started to read the book it's on yet.”
“Did I mention that I have two exams later this week?”
“No, but I totally forgot that after I take my three exams, I have to do a presentation on that other 15-page paper that I haven't started on.”
“Whoa! You totally just reminded that I have to defend the research that I've been working on all semester tomorrow!”
Please don't do this. You'll make everyone more stressed out. And angry. You'll make me so angry.
2) Overdose on caffeine. People, I know you say that going through 8 Cokes a day is a perfectly viable life choice, BUT IT'S NOT. It will eat away at your intestines. Give you cancer. And ulcers, I tell you, ulcers. If you can't tell, I haven't done my research, and am simply repeating what my mom told me when I couldn't have a sip of her Dr. Pepper all those years ago. By “all those years ago,” I actually mean “over fall break.”
3) Spend more than half an hour watching videos of baby elephants. What I mean by this is that you shouldn't procrastinate. Or purposefully distract yourself. Especially with baby elephants, because they'll suck you in like no other.
4) Have a meltdown in the library. For everyone else's benefit, rather than yours. Nobody wants to see that stuff. So please. Think of us while you decide whether or not be reduced to a shivering heap on the floor.
5) Wear anything but the comfiest clothes possible.
6) Stop showering. I don't care how late you stayed up, or even if you got sleep. If you don't shower, your entire schedule will be thrown off. You won't remember what day it is, and therefore when your next exam is. And you will eventually go crazy.
7) Stop sleeping. So I'm in Intro to Psychology, which mean I actually know very little about psychology. But I DO happen to know that sleep is ridiculously important for learning things. Something about the hippocampus. (Don't worry, I'll learn it before my final.) Another fun tidbit from my psych class: there's this thing called State-Dependent Learning, which means that you'll recall information better if you recreate the state you learned it in. So if you're slightly drunk when you do the reading, you'll remember the information better if you're slightly drunk when you take the exam. NOTE: This is by no means a recommendation.
Ginger's Song of the Week: In all his life, I think my dad has sent me two emails. The first contained this link. I'm not entirely sure why it's so funny, but it definitely is. Thank you, father.
Have you stopped showering yet?
Related post: How NOT to Study for Finals Week