How to Answer Awkward Questions While You're Home from School
When you're home from college, you'll hear the same three questions over and over. Here's how to handle them.
1. “How did the semester go?” If the semester went well, brag to your little heart's content. Seriously. People like to know that their retirement is in good hands. If you failed all your classes, say the semester went “all right,” then start gushing about a professor you had. Even if this professor was only mediocre. Even if you had her a year ago. It's a wonderful trick, really. You get to sound like an intellectual, without ever revealing that you never paid attention. For bonus points, criticize one of your professors without commenting on how hard of a grader he is.
2. “Are you seeing anyone?” Oh boy. This is a minefield. (And for some reason, this is the question all the little old ladies at church ask.) If you are dating someone, admit it. Say a few nice things, then GET OUT, because the questions probably won't stop there. If you aren't dating anyone, say it's because you're focusing on your schoolwork. Do not give any reasons other than that. Do not talk about how you repel potential suitors with your weird hairline, huge pores, sucky nailbeds, or bad morning breath. If the answer is “neither of the above” (heaven forbid you have an ambiguous relationship with that person you made out with at a party that one time), play it safe and say nothing. Don't try to hash out the inner workings of a hook-up's mind with someone you only see a few months of the year. On rare occasions (such as mine), your significant other/honey/boo is not an acceptable topic of conversation. Perhaps they're a Jet, or have the wrong religion or gender or something. In this case, try not to lie TOO much (lies can come back to haunt you when your uncle asks your parents ask about your boyfriend who is also a Shark, and has straight A's) but again, get out as soon as possible. For example, a little old lady asked me today if had my eye on any guys at school. I was able to truthfully say, “No, there's no guy that really interests me,” and cross my fingers that she wouldn't refer to one of my friends-that-is-a-girl as a “girlfriend” (as little old ladies like to do) because not even MY poker face could handle that.
3. “What are your plans for the future?” This question comes in many forms, from “what classes are you taking next semester?” to “What are you going to major in?” to “What the hell are you going to do with an Art History major?” Now, if you can answer these questions with certainty, please do, and don't lord it over the rest of us clueless people. But even if you can't answer these questions, just confidently talk about the best guess you have right now. Otherwise, you will hear no end of suggestions. If you say you have an open spot for a class, you'll get the privilege of hearing someone's entire college resume, and their opinions on each class. If you say you really like history, but are also thinking about biology, every person you talk to will have a strong opinion on the subject. You'll end up switching majors three times in a night. Not that that has ever happened to me.
Ginger's Song of the Week: I have very specific requirements for what Christmas music I listen to. So specific, actually, that I don't quite understand all my requirements. All I know is that this song by She and Him covers them all.
So, are you seeing anyone? :)
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