How Not to Be a Llama
This is perhaps the most important life lesson we've learned all week: don't be a llama! Faye must be taking notes from the Emperor's New Groove. —Sparkitors
FAYE! My name is Faye and I want to be a Pokémon trainer!
Also, despite the fact that I’m 3 WEEKS AWAY from being done with my first year of college, I’m actually an 8-year-old at heart. Ash (my boyfriend, not the Pokémon character) often tells me he feels like a creeper dating someone who may or may not be 8 years old. Usually I stick my tongue out at him in response.
Speaking of boyfriends and the fact that I have 3 WEEKS OF SCHOOL LEFT, Ash and I have finally figured out what we’re doing over the summer. Okay, well we still don’t know who’s visiting whom and how often we’re going to talk and all that stuff, but we figured out the important thing: Ash is playing Blue and I’m playing Red. The original Pokémon Red and Blue video games, that is. We’re busting out our old Gameboy Colors and playing from beginning to end, catching ALL the Pokémon without cheating. It’s going to be epic.
And on the topic of epic segues, it’s I-really-don’t-want-to-know-about-this-but-you’re-going-to-tell-me-anyway story-time!
So our awkward engineering TA, who’s going for a degree as a professional student, gave us THE TALK. Yeah, it was as bad as it sounds. Normally he tries to fill the time when our professor doesn’t feel like showing up to class with little tidbits of advice about grad school. So when he sat the class down the other day and started telling us about his decision to major in electrical engineering, we figured that’s where the conversation was headed. But we were wrong. Very, very wrong.
Llama (the TA) was your typical freshman engineer. He wasn’t 100% sold on engineering, but he liked math and science, so he figured why not? Then he met Stacy. She was way out of his league. Stacy was a freshman engineer as well, which meant she and Llama had a whole lot of classes together. They started talking, became friends, and eventually started going out. When it came time to choose engineering departments for sophomore year, Llama decided to do electrical engineering to be with Stacy. This was Llama’s first relationship, and he didn’t want to mess everything up.
But then Llama messed everything up. Things were awesome the beginning of sophomore year: Llama and Stacy were inseparable. They were probably moving way too fast, but Llama didn’t care. Llama was in love! Then they started fighting over stupid things, and Llama got jealous when Stacy was out with the girls. Junior year came and things weren’t looking too good. Stacy didn’t just break up with Llama, she also broke his heart.
I think there are some pretty important morals in this story:
1. Don’t tell your students about your love life. It’s just awkward for everybody.
2. This one’s important, so I’m making it Dating Rule #3: Don’t go too far too fast. Llama mentioned this, and other people I know have figured this out the hard way, too. It’s really easy to get caught up in the moment of being in love with someone. Everything’s great in your happy bubble of sunshine and skittles, but think before you do something stupid. I’m not just talking physical stuff either. Emotionally pouring your heart out to someone you don’t know as well as you think and being rejected can be just as painful.
3. Don’t become dependent on your S.O. If anything, this is what broke Llama and Stacy up. They sort of smothered each other, and relationships don’t work when one or both parties are unconscious.
4. Don’t pick a major just to be closer to a special someone. That goes for picking colleges, too. It’s all good until you break up, and then you’re stuck somewhere you don’t want to be, doing something you don’t want to do, and seeing someone you really don’t want to see.
5. Don’t be a Llama.
Couple Crush of the Week: Lady and Tramp
Lady and Tramp are an odd couple. The thing is, Lady’s really pretty. Tramp isn’t totally unattractive, but compared to Lady he’s ehh. Their relationship violates the rules of the sexy-scale. You know, the imaginary scale in everyone’s heads where we rank how attractive someone is from 1-10, where 1 is Gollum from Lord of the Rings, and 10 is David Beckham. Normally, you don’t date someone more than 2 points above or below you. That’s why movie stars date models and why the dream wedding I’ve planned between myself and Joseph Gordon Levitt probably won’t work out. Lady’s an 8, while Tramp’s a 4.5. I don’t know how they met or when they started dating, but I do know it was sometime in high school and they’ve been adorable ever since. Lady and I have Psych together on Mondays, and Tramp is always waiting for Lady when class is over to walk her back to the dorm. Tramp’s an awesome guy. He’s really funny, in a witty way; he always says things that you wish you were clever enough to come up with yourself. He’s just a nice guy and a great boyfriend, and I want him and Lady to get married and make semi-attractive babies.
AHHH 3 MORE WEEKS TIL SUMMER! Be jealous!
Have you ever gone too far too fast?
Related Post: College Dating Rules
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