Talie's Epic Adventure (There Are Gun Chases Involved. Sort of.)
Talie spent her week getting chased around by men with guns. Ish. —Sparkitors
Okay, Sparklers. OKAY. Last week I managed to kick something off my bucket list with as much BA-ness as I could possibly muster. Which, apparently, isn’t that much (you’ll find out why shortly). The reason why I “kicked” an item off of the bucket list instead of simply “crossing off” or lovingly “knocking it off” is because of the actual adventure that ACTUALLY HAPPENED. It was kinda epic.
Number 11: Be chased in a labyrinth-like building by henchmen, preferably with guns.
It all started when my friends came back to college from spring break. Olga and I hopped over to the dollar-fifty theater to see Man on a Ledge. I was very skeptical, to say the least.( I mean, could they not come up with a more clever name? The movie is obviously about a man on a ledge, come on.) Despite the poorly written title, we raucously entered the sketchy movie theater, and I prepared myself for what I expected to be the 2nd worst two hours of my life (the 1st worst two hours were spent watching The Dangers of Driving While Distracted in Drivers Ed).
By the end of the movie, two thoughts were running through my mind. The first thought was that Sam Worthington and I are going to have beautiful children together. And the second thought was that I needed to have an epic adventure involving guns and near-death experiences and ninja moves. There were, however, a couple of problems: where would we find a place to run away from intimidating men with guns? And where would we even find the guns?
Then we had an idea. A genius idea. Two words, mis compadres: Laser. Tag.
This solved most of our problems. It also ensured that we probably wouldn’t DIE (unless we got waayy too into it). So that Saturday, my friends and I headed over to do laser tag… IN ALL BLACK, because we were ultimately more intense and probably more excited than everyone else who would play laser tag with us. Or possibly anyone whose ever played laser tag in the history of laser tag.
We decided that we would play two games: one free for all and one with teams.
We entered the briefing room (this is probably not what it's called, but it sounds so cool) with a dad, two little girls and a little boy. We decided to do free for all, and I thought to myself, “I'm gonna clobber them to a pulp!” We grabbed our guns and booked it to the arena. Once inside, we immediately split up to go to opposite corners of the arena, which was much like a labyrinth. It was intense, AND WE HADN’T EVEN STARTED YET.
And then the fighting began. It was brutal. Those adorable little kids? Not so adorable when they're ruthlessly shooting at you any chance they get. Seriously, those kids had some MAD SKILLS. And the dad was terrifying. He was holding his gun in an army-like fashion, and I half expected him to pull out an army-style roll across the floor. I got as many shots as I possibly could… which wasn’t that many.
When the battle ended, we trooped out of the arena and picked up our scores. I’m pretty sure I was number six out of eight, which means that I was beaten by a couple of little girls. How embarrassing.
After we checked our scores, we just hopped back in line for the next round. WE HAD NO SHAME. Unfortunately, a ginormous group of ridiculously annoying high schoolers got in line after us, followed by two little girls. At that moment, I knew that we were pretty much gonna die. Because there was no way those frackin’ high schoolers were going to want to break up their group, so we were going to end up taking the little girls on our team.
So we filed in the briefing room, and, as expected, it was us and the little girls verses the giant group of high schoolers. But then, a BEAUTIFULLY SELFLESS dude from the high school group came over to help us. I had to literally hold myself back from hugging him to death.
We walked into the arena with a little less enthusiasm this time, what with the feeling of impending doom in the air and all.
My team solemnly took our places at our base. When the buzzer finally went off, we ran around like crazy. The first round was like a cakewalk compared to this one. I was chased around multiple times by short little teenie-boppers, but they were the least of my problems. The boys were merciless and impossibly sneaky, assuming multiple gunning positions that are usually associated with actual war tactics.
At one point I had to get down on one knee and shoot up at the second floor in order to get a particularly annoying dude, then duck behind a wall to avoid someone shooting me on my left. I was quite proud of myself. When the buzzer went off and the smoke was cleared, we were all a hot, panting, sweaty mess. We got our scores.
It was TERRIBLE. I got WORST SCORE in the history of laser tag. I got negative 725. NEGATIVE. 725. As in less than zero. And that, Sparklers, is why I wouldn’t last five minutes in The Hunger Games.
Despite my absolutely embarrassing score, laser tag was still unbelievably fun. IT WOULD HAVE BETTER IF I GOT A SCORE ABOVE ZERO, but whatever. I don’t care. I DON’T CARE.
But, anyway. The ukulele playing is getting better, I’m a couple of lines away from being done with my play, and I go back to college next week!
May the odds be ever in your favor… because they definitely weren’t in mine...
Which item from Talie's bucket list are you excited to read about?