Let me start off by saying, no, I did not get eaten by a three-headed bear-shark. Of course, that’s the only acceptable excuse for being MIA the last couple of weeks. Alas, the real reason was the overwhelming amounts of work that were thrown at me before Thanksgiving break (and during the break). But I think the bear-shark story sounds better, so we’ll go with that.
But seriously, I’ve just had so much stuff. With projects and exams, sorority obligations and study abroad applications, it’s too much. Just trying to keep straight all the things I have to do and places I need to be is making me dizzy. After last Friday, though, I thought that I had it all figured out. The second round of exams went well, the work was manageable, and I felt like I was in a pretty good place in my social life. And then it hit me.
I’m an awful girlfriend. It’s not that I mean to be—I don’t want to figuratively slap my boyfriend in the face with a fish. But not everything can be on the top of my priority list. School is number 1 for obvious reasons—if I don’t get good grades, then I'll lose my scholarship; if I don’t have my scholarship, then I can’t go to school, so all the other things wouldn’t matter anyway. Sorority stuff is number 2 right now because the associate period is coming to an end, and there are things I need to finish—like making our class t-shirt and ordering gifts and other stuff that I can’t push off because there’s nowhere to push them. And then it comes down to my friends and boyfriend fighting to the death for that third place spot, and I can’t give 100% to both. So if I do something with Ash on Friday, I’m missing out on girls' night. Or if I want to go out to dinner with my girlfriends, I’m ditching Ash.
Here’s just one example of my bad girlfriend behavior: Last weekend, Ash and I had planned on going to the big Christmas celebration downtown, but I got back late from grocery shopping and I really didn’t want to go back in the cold, so we didn’t go. And Ash said “Don’t worry about it.”
I hate when he says that. I hate it more than I hate wet doorknobs or when people sneeze more than twice in a row, which I hate a lot. But when Ash says, “Don’t worry about it,” of course I have to worry about it, and on top of that I’m annoyed that he said, “Don’t worry about it.”
Ash was mad. He was mad that I canceled on him. Again. I’m always canceling on him. And of course he doesn’t yell; he does the whole “I’m disappointed in you” thing that’s just so much worse. And then I get mad that he’s mad at me, even though he’s completely justified and I’m just mad for the sake of being mad.
I can’t do anything about how awful of a girlfriend I’ve been in the past, but from this point on, I’m going to try to do better. If it comes down to Ash or the girls, 9 times out of 10, I need to choose Ash. But then again, I don’t want to become one of those girls who ditches her friends for her boyfriend all the time, either. And it definitely doesn’t help that finals are quickly approaching and studying will soon devour my life again...
Sparklers who know how to juggle, teach me your ways. How do you manage school, friends, AND a boyfriend? So far all I’ve got is lobbying to turn Monday into the third day of the weekend. Help?
Until next week (and I mean it—no bear-sharks are getting me this time),
Got any tips for keeping a balanced life?