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Morning Announcements for January 17

Morning Announcements for January 17

By Josh Perilo

Good morning, banes and banettes of my existence. Here are today’s announcements.

Thespians International will no longer be meeting in the Dramatorium on Tuesdays due to the blood feud between Mr. Young’s group and Mr. Fredericks’ “Independent” Drama Club. In a related story, the Occupy Dramatorium demonstration was finally broken up by Custodian Davies after he offered to play the demonstrators a recording of himself doing covers of Grateful Dead songs on his xylophone.

It appears that much like the Republican primaries, our own race for next year’s Senior Class President is winnowing down. Also, who cares? But I digress. The most recent candidate to drop out is Candace Hinckle. The once promising Optimists International Essay finalist has been in a Facebook blackout since Friday. That is when details of Ms. Hinckle’s relationship with fellow Academic Decathlon teammate, Hunter Yang, forced her to reconsider her bid for presidency. Neither party could be reached for comment because they were busy making out in Custodian Davies’ closet. On top of his xylophone.

The lunch menu today includes, but is not limited to: Spaghetti in “red” sauce, chunky-style tacos, apple chowder, beau bice beans and rice, mystery meat l’orange, and tapioca disappointment.

And today’s Inspirational Quote for the Day comes from Doctor Louis Pasteur who once said:
“Bacon? I didn’t order bacon. Can you take this back, please?”

That is all.

What do you want to hear about in the daily morning announcements?

Tags: high school, school, morning announcements, life, funniest

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