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Seriously, Chill On The Body Spray

Seriously, Chill On The Body Spray

By Kirk Pynchon

DUDE, DON'T BE THAT GUY—A Guide To Prevent You From Looking Like A D-bag

Look, obviously smelling good is better than the alternative—the alternative being smelling like butt. That being said, do you really need to smell like you spent the weekend locked inside a Hollister store?

Overdoing it on the body spray just smacks of desperation. It also smacks of “I was too lazy to take a shower so I figure, the hell with it, I’ll just use up a half a can of Old Spice 'Pure Sport' and call it a day.” Either way, it signals to girls (which really is the only reason to smell good) that you have NO CLUE about personal hygiene.

Please, please, please, for all that is scared on this good green Earth, do not substitute body spray for proper cleaning. You may smell like “Night Attack” and “Night Attack” might smell awesome, but underneath that smell is your own stank B.O. and no attack of the night is going to fix that.

But if you must indulge in the spray of the body, here are a few useful tips so you don’t smell like…uh…we… a giant factory that makes nothing but Axe body spray 24/7:

1) Find a scent you like and stick with it. One day smelling like “Provoke” and then another day smelling like ‘Wild Spice” is just confusing.

2) Do not spray it on like you are on fire and the only way to douse the flames is to use an entire can of the stuff.

3) Do not spray it in your car. People will hate you.

4) Don’t use it everyday. You will get desensitized to the smell and keep using more and more just so you can get a simple whiff of the scent, like some sort of drug addict trying to get a fix.

5) If you find a scent you like—tell no one. The worst thing is you and three of your friends all smelling like “Dark Temptation.” Congratulations, you’ve just formed a boy band.

And what happens (heavens forbid) if you run out of body spray? What should you do?

Shower. Just plain shower.

Do you wear body spray?

Tags: flirting, cologne, smells, hygiene, life, don't be that guy, body spray

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