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Morning Announcements for January 20

Morning Announcements for January 20

By Josh Perilo

Good morning, sons and daughters of local taxpayers. Here are today’s announcements.

The Kleinowitz-Darringer-Belloba Memorial Planetarium will be closed again next week for repairs following the vandalization of the scale model of our solar system yesterday. It appears that the words “Earth Can Bite Me” are not coming off of the side of the scale model of Mars as easily as Custodian Davies was hoping. And Saturn’s rings are still imbedded in the side of Neptune after what we can only assume was some kind of intergalactic game of Ultimate Frisbee. Until it is repaired, students will have to go outside to look at the stars, which I know may confuse some of you. So, good luck.

As always, the Career Guidance Center is open today from ten till two. So, feel free to drop by. Ever. Because, you know, we do pay Ms. Rollins to be there. And as thrilling as it is to check in on her progress with Fruit Ninja, we in the administration would love to see her help some students with their career goals. Now, for those of you listening who aren’t familiar with what I’m talking about, a goal is something that you decide you want, then you put energy and time into achieving. I’ll give you all a moment to wrap your heads around that concept.

The lunch menu today includes, but is not limited to: greenish beans, sweet and sour dysentery, German style tater tot salad, goldfish thermador, mashed surprise, and death by carob cake.

And today’s inspirational quote of the day comes from Bill Gates, who once said “Can I just jump in real quick and make, like, two copies? I’ll be out of your hair in a sec. Thanks.”

That is all.

Tags: high school, school, morning announcements, life, funniest

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