Good morning, scabs on the skin of humanity. Here are today’s announcements.
Next week is spirit week, and you all know what that means. That’s a lie, since most of you can’t remember your own GPAs. So, as a quick refresher, here is the scheduled run down for next week’s festivities: Monday is Zombie Day. Tuesday will be Dress Like Your Favorite Cafeteria Entrée day. Wednesday will be Humiliate Your Boyfriend/Girlfriend During Study Hall day. Thursday will be Wear a Mound of Dirt On Your Head day. And, of course, Friday will be Opposite Day, more popularly known as School Spirit Day. Go Bunnies.
And now for the hotly anticipated list of winners for last semester’s scholastic awards. The Jimmy K. Thistledown Most Improved Award goes to Benji Hamilton for the third semester in a row, after raising his 2.8 GPA up to a whopping 2.9. I would like to emphasize that Benji has won this award because he has improved the most. In the school. The Stoltz and Ammerson Highest Amount of AP Classes Finished by an Underclassmen Award goes to Sophomore Dr. Madison Littlefield, MD, who somehow juggles Pep Squad with her residency at Methodist Hospital on a daily basis. And the Ulysses Garrison Extracuricular award goes to Aaron Stackheiser. Aaron could not be here to receive the award. He is currently simultaneously competing in the Regional Chess Club Finals while covering the event for both the school paper and the yearbook.
The lunch menu today includes, but is not limited to: cold poached science lab leftovers, pan ‘o grey deli slices, seargent pepperoni’s lonely pizza squares, almond and gruyere stuffed squab, and shaved street ice.
And today’s inspirational quote comes from Theodore Roosevelt who once told congress: “I know it sounds, like, whatever… but Zumba completely got rid of my love handles.”
That is all.