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Eat Me Presents: Recipes That Don't Suck

Eat Me Presents: Recipes That Don't Suck

By Kirk Pynchon

EAT ME (thoughts on food)—Cuz There's More To Eating Than Burgers And Big Gulps


Eating is awesome. Cooking? Not so much. So unless you want to starve or live with your mom forever you need to learn a few tasty and, more importantly, EASY things to make. This is the first recipe in a series. They are simple, idiot-proof, and will even impress girls. Seriously. We know from experience.

Eat Me's Kick Butt Garlic Bread

-- 1 loaf of crusty bread (Italian or French, you choose based on your ethnic affinity)

-- 1 clove of garlic, minced (Do not use garlic powder! Everything will be ruined forever!)

-- A non-disgusting amount of butter or margarine

-- 2-3 teaspoons of balsamic vinegar

-- Coarse black pepper

-- Oregano

-- Red pepper flakes (optional–for those who like to bring the heat)

Pre-heat the oven to 350 degrees. While the oven is getting warm, melt down the butter or margarine in a small saucepan. Chop up the garlic and throw it in the pan. Add the balsamic vinegar. Sprinkle in the pepper, oregano and red pepper flakes. Stir until everything is blended well together. (Trust us, you’ll feel it.)

Cut the crusty bread into individual slices. DO NOT simply slice the bread down the middle and pour the garlic sauce in the bread. That is for lazy jerks. Instead, take a food brush and lather the garlic sauce on each and every piece of bread. Both sides. Yeah, I said it. BOTH SIDES. And don’t be stingy about it.

Then put the individual slices back together as a loaf, drizzle any remaining sauce on top, wrap the loaf completely in aluminum foil and place in the oven for eleven minutes. If you go over eleven minutes, your bread will be burnt. Throw it away. If you go under eleven minutes, your bread will be undercooked. Throw it away. Eleven minutes guarantees the bread will be soft and warm on the inside, crusty on the outside.

You're welcome.

What can you cook?

Tags: food, recipes, eating, eat me, garlic bread

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