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Morning Announcements for January 25

Morning Announcements for January 25

By Josh Perilo

Good Morning, worms. Here are today’s announcements.

Mr. Hardtar and the Photography Club will begin taking pictures for the yearbook starting tomorrow. Thanks to Amber Villanova and her questionable choices last year… and no, I’m not talking about her boyfriends… the following items will be banned from this year’s photo shoot: stilettos, fishnet stockings, halter tops, micro-mini skirts, micro-mini skorts, micro-mini sporks, whips, chains, planes, trains, and automobiles, whipped cream, chocolate syrup, maraschino cherries, pistachio ice cream, raw steak, ground turkey, mechanically separated chicken, flannel wrist-cuffs, feather boa constrictors, plastic tee shirts, and life sized cardboard cutouts of Jason Statham.

The Sing-Sations, our annoyingly chipper acapella/jazz-scat/show tunes choir, will be holding their annual auditions today after school in the Dramatorium. If you haven’t scheduled an audition time with Mr. Grouse yet, he’ll probably make you sit in the “stand by” line and pretend like he doesn’t have enough time for you to try out. Then, once he’s made you wait for an hour, he’ll lecture you about how in the world of “professional acting,” you don’t get a second chance to make a first impression. Then he’ll humiliate you by telling you that your music choice was terrible and that you have no stage presence. After that, you’ll go home to your happy, normal life, and he’ll crawl back to his empty studio apartment and cry himself to sleep listening to Les Miz.

The lunch menu today includes, but is not limited to: refried breading, Cajun style hamster, Pop-Tart trifle, mustard packet po’ boy, sawdust fritters, and leftover gingerbread house roofing.

And today’s inspirational quote comes from Alexander Graham Bell, who once said “If I had to choose, I guess I’d go with Thin Mints. No… you know what? Samoas. Yeah, Samoas.”

That is all.

Tags: high school, school, morning announcements, life, funniest

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