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Things You Should NEVER Say To Your Girlfriend's Parents

Things You Should NEVER Say To Your Girlfriend's Parents

By RG Daniels

“Pleasure to meet you, sir. I can see who Trish gets her curves from.”

“It’s nice to know that not all moms walk around in their bra singing Beyonce songs at the top of their lungs.”

“I’m not a very big reader. All those words and pages. Exhausting.”

“I don’t play on any teams, but that’s because my doctor told me sports are the cause of my underarm rashes.”

“I don’t like to dance because it reminds me of the time I accidentally set myself on fire.”

“I’d shake your hand, but I just scratched my butt.”

“Your daughter is safe with me. I always keep a set of nun chucks on me in case there’s trouble.”

“Actually, I think Christmas is an elaborate plot by the government to get us to believe in magic.”

“I get scared very easily. Especially when my dad comes out of the bathroom.”

“I have a good joke! Have you heard the one about the stupid nun who walks into a chainsaw?”

“I’m not a big fan of The Beatles. They sound like they ripped off the Rolling Stones.”

“One day I’ll introduce you to my cyborg. His name is Rob and he can crush a squirrel with two fingers.”

“Your daughter is safe with me. I’ve seen Star Wars over 100 times and can use The Force if there’s trouble.”

“Check it out! I can write ‘BOOBS’ on a calculator!”

“I’ve been told my burps smell like monkeys and my farts smell like Slim Jims.”

“You have a very lovely house. It reminds me of this article I read about these devil-worshippers who went on a murder spree in Detroit.”

“Your daughter is safe with me. If I can handle prison I can handle anything.”

“I’m slightly blind in one eye ever since I ran into a tree to see if I could knock it down.”

“Come to think of it, some of those Pokemon are a couple of hotties!”

“Nice moustache, sir. It kinda looks like Saddam Husseins.”

“Your daughter is safe with me. I’m Batman.”

“I’ve never been to France, but I hear the women don’t shave their legs. Or their butts.”

“Wanna thumb wrestle?”

“Wanna arm wrestle?”

“Wanna wrestle?”

“Your daughter is safe with me. My dad is in the mafia, but don’t rat him out.  Seriously. Don’t.”

What else?

Tags: parents, dating, girls, funniest

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About the Author
RG Daniels

RG Daniels is a writer living in Brooklyn, NY. He likes ‘90s one-hit wonders, breakfast for dinner, and koala bears. He is currently on Level 163 in Candy Crush.

Wanna contact a writer or editor? Email contribute@sparknotes.com.

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