How to Be Romantic When You Can't Drive
You can't drive. Haha. Just kidding. Why can't you drive?
a) You are 7. Or, ya know, 15.
a) Your parents are dumb and careful and don’t trust the Department of Transportation.
b) You live in Vermont, which raised its licensed driving age to 18.
c) You have only one leg and/or are a snail with one leg (which is typical of snails, being monopods).
Problem is, being a monopod that can’t drive, you feel as if your female dating pool is small and limited to other molluscs. But we’re here to tell you that’s not true! You can use this lack of gas and wheels to your advantage in a relationship. You just need to make it yours.
1. Come up with an excuse about why you don’t have a car. You don’t even have to believe it as long as it sounds believable to her. Examples:
a) The Reform-Minded Excuse: “A car? Why of course not. It would look hypocritical in conjunction with my campaign for the rights of roadkill-prone creatures.”
b) The Eco-Minded Excuse: “I’m trying to reduce my carbon footprint. You can pick me up, right, Bigfoot?”
c) The Hipster-Minded Excuse: “None of the cars had enough subwoofers.”
2. Whatever you do, play it cool. Don’t act like it’s awkward.
a) If you go to pick her up and your mom’s in the passenger seat or, worse, driving, include your mom in the convo. Don’t try to act like she’s not there. That’ll make it more awkward.
b) If she asks you to meet her somewhere, and you get dropped off by your parents, remember to use your excuses (#1)! And laugh it off.
3. Never underestimate the Internets. See, if you can’t get to That Shop She Likes, remember that the Internet is your wingman—your Mercutio! And the best part is when you order gifts on the Internet, the things rarely come with the tags still on. That "designer" bracelet costs, like, half retail price when you buy it on overstockedplasticbracelets.com. They say always be honest with your beloved, but in this case, you can wait until she’s said “I do.” Then you can tell her you bought her ring on eBay, and her dress was from the free list on Craigslist.
4. Own it! Don’t be ashamed. Everyone has been in your place once in their life. And if someone stops dating you just because you don’t have to pay insurance on a piece of metal with a sparkplug inside it, they probably weren’t worth the time and effort after all.
How do you deal with not having a car/being able to drive?