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IT'S HAMMER TIME (Less Clever Title: 10 Reasons We Can't Wait for The Avengers)

IT'S HAMMER TIME (Less Clever Title: 10 Reasons We Can't Wait for The Avengers)

By Chelsea Dagger

Okay, so maybe I’m not overly pumped about the Super Bowl on Sunday (come on, it’s just a bunch of dudes seeing how far they can hit a basketball, right? Or am I thinking of rugby?) but I’ll still be tuning in, for one reason and one reason only: the new Avengers trailer.

This movie (as far as I can tell from the original trailer, which you can see below and which I have watched 37 times today) is a smorgasborg of absurdly good-looking people doing ridiculously bad-ass things; basically, it is the movie I have been waiting for my entire life, only better, because it has Chris Hemsworth in a cape, wielding a hammer of hawtness and destruction.

There are roughly 6 million reasons why I can't wait to see this film (and 5 million of them are simply "ROBERT DOWNEY JR.), but I only have enough bullet points to list 10, so you'll just have to read them 600,000 times. Out loud. In your best Samuel L. Jackson voice.

* ROBERT DOWNEY JR. How I wish someone would hostilely ask me, "Take away your sweat and what are you, Chelsea Dagger?" so I could be all "GENIUS BILLIONIARE PLAYBOY PHILANTHROPIST" and then hip-thrust my way out of the room doing jazz hands.

* The soundtrack. If the music in the trailer is any indication, I am going to spend most of this movie ferociously playing the air-guitar from my front-row movie theater seat.

* Scarlett Johansson as the baddest female superhero in recent memory, flippin' dudes over like it ain't no thang.

* Jeremey Renner as Hawkeye, who's basically the male version of Katniss. I would literally bribe my way into the Hunger Games if it meant I had a chance to get shot by this man.

* JOSS WHEDON wrote and directed, and whatever Joss Whedon touches turns to solid gold (which is cool but also sad, because he can't really ever hug anybody.)

* Thor. You can never have enough Thor, in my opinion. Let's make "MORE THOR" happen. Chant it everywhere, especially in AP Calculus during tests.

* Captain's America's haircut. (Don't even try to pretend that you didn't just shellack the shizz out of your unruly mane in a vain attempt to jack his look.)

* Explosions!!! Car explosions. Building explosions. Alien explosions. Fist-on-face explosions. Heart explosions (these happen to me every time Chris Hemsworth locks eyes with the camera).

* Nick Fury. I gotta get me an eye patch.

* ROBERT DOWNEY JR. (It had to be said.)

This movie doesn't come out until May 4, which means one of you needs to invent a time machine and fast forward us a few months. Who's on it? Less difficult question: which Avenger is your favorite?

Tags: movies, superheroes, samuel l. jackson, heroes, funny things, joss whedon, robert downey jr., action movies, chris hemsworth, movie trailers, the avengers, scarlett johansson, awesome movies, chris evans, jeremy renner

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About the Author
Chelsea Dagger

Since 2010, Chelsea Dagger (known in real life as Chelsea Aaron) has been SparkLife's sweatiest editor. She's currently working on a how-to-kiss guide for teens, and when she's not conducting smooch-related research on her life-size Joseph Gordon-Levitt cardboard cutout, she's eating pancakes, stocking up on industrial-strength deodorant, and destroying everyone at Harry Potter trivia. (EXPECTO PATRONUM!)

Wanna contact a writer or editor? Email contribute@sparknotes.com.