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New Old 3D Movies?

New Old 3D Movies?

By Scott Greenstone

This week, To Kill A Mockingbird came out on Blu-ray. Star Wars: Episode I is coming out in 3D, and Beauty and the Beast is already in theaters. Is this just a ploy to get more money out of a movie that already went through theaters and/or was already released to DVD? Well, yeah. But does that mean it's evil? Well...I mean, who needs rhetorical questions? (Yes, that was a rhetorical question. Forget what we were trying to say.)

The half-hearted explanations of the people who mastered these movies show it. (“Well, um, is there a whole lot of difference? Not really so much, but, we think it’s great that, ah, a new generation gets to experience these movies in the theaters, with the added bonus of non-prescription glasses that make your nose hurt when Cogsworth jumps out at you.”) But part of us really loves that these movies that were in theaters when we were kids—or that are so old we never got to see them in theaters—are in theaters again. So, since we’re so torn, here’s a list of the pros and cons of the re-released 3D and Blu-Ray trend.

Pros:

-The movies are just as good now as they were then. Let’s face it: there hasn’t been a movie like The Lion King for sheer epic scale for a long time. Some have come close, but there’ll never be another Beauty and the Beast. Solution? Just watch B&theB in theaters.

-You can pretend you’re a kid again. I mean, that’s always fun. Go into the theater, make shadow puppets with the projector, hog the popcorn, suck on your soda too loudly, ask if they have booster seats even though it’s not a restaurant, complain halfway through that you have to go to the bathroom and, when you get out into the hall, run into The Muppet Movie and make your parent find you. I mean, that's what I did.

-Your siblings/sheltered friends/homeschooled SOs can see them for the first time. Some people would never be caught dead at home watching these movies, but for some reason have no problem paying money to see them in public.

-Extra snuggle/sweaty groping/makeout time on dates! I mean, you’ve seen the movie before. It’s not like you’re missing anything.

Cons:

-Money. I mean, that’s kinda the whole point of putting them through theaters again. You can find a lot of these movies in your old VHS tape cabinet. And the extra money for 3D feels like extortion.

-Even worse: Disney and George Lucas will make bank from very little effort. It kinda kills you to know that instead of working on something new, George Lucas is making money off his first theatrical releases all over again, and Gregory Peck (Atticus Finch) is dead and not making a cent. The injustice.

-It feels like a sellout. Especially for hardcore, Jedi-quoting Star Wars fans and hardcore, Atticus-Finch-quoting Mockingbird fans. (I mean, you never really understand a person until you consider things from his point of view—until you climb into his skin and walk around in it.)

-Would Mufasa approve? We think not.

What do you think about the 3-D craze?

Tags: annoying things, movies, dates, 3-d, re-releases

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