Valentine’s Day isn’t just for couples who are already together. It’s a great time to go out and meet that potential SO.
But, beware! V-Day has a magical ability to turn the most skillful of pickup artists into doddering cheese-heads. It’s easy to get overzealous and make a bad first impression, and there is no worse way to make a bad first impression than with a terrible pick up line. We’ve all witness a friend or peer make that fatal mistake. It doesn’t matter how ironic you think the line is, at the end of the day a cheesy line is a cheesy line and there’s no way to unsay something that dumb.
But we are here to help. Hopefully by exposing all of you to some of the worst of the worst, we can prevent you from mucking up your chances at constructing a great introduction. So we now present to you, the world’s absolute worst pick up lines, ever:
- Are you a parasitic bug? Because you’ve really gotten under my skin.
- Are you a zombifying, brain decaying disease? Because I can’t get you out of my head.
- Are you Viral Gastroenteritus? Because every time I look at you, I get a funny feeling in my stomach.
- I’d smash a box of puppies to kiss you.
- Do you moonlight as a hammer? Because you totally nailed that outfit.
- Are you a trash compactor? Because you’re crushing it with that lip gloss.
- I wish I had a you-sized sippy cup, because I just wanna drink you in.
- I just slashed your tires to get back at you for stealing my heart.
- Did someone douse you in lighter fluid, set you on fire, then throw a bucket of water on you? Because you’re smokin’.
- Are you a pile of smoldering hickory and cherry wood underneath a rack of spare ribs? Because you’re smokin’.
- Your eyes have eaten my soul.
- If romance is a sports car, then I’m the road, you’re the green light, and love is just an intersection where hope and desire meet. I think you should know up top, though… I failed my driving test.
- Girl, let me buy you a hamburger.
- Pretty girl… heh, heh… pretty, pretty, pretty…
Did we leave any out?