Before I say anything else, I want to be sure that this one point is clear: I am terrible at video games. Let me illustrate: when I play Mario Kart at my boyfriend's house, his 6-year-old brother beats me. When I play Super Smash Brothers with my family, I'm always Kirby...and I still manage to fall to my doom half the time, even though Kirby has the easiest fall-recovery move ever. When I play that adorable online Penguin-friends game, I'm pretty sure the other penguins would swarm and murder me if they could. And when I play Angry Birds...well, I just don't play Angry Birds—I play Hopeless Birds.
And that is why it is both tragic and hilarious that it is My New Thing to play World of Warcraft. But mostly hilarious—at least for you—because I am going to blog through it as I go! Which means you will all be privy to my stupid, clueless blunders, each and every one of my many spectacular deaths, and all two of the possible successes I might achieve. That's right, gentlefolk, you'd better go grab your elf swords and magic cloaks and get ready to laugh at my failure!
Wait, are there magic cloaks and elf swords involved? Here's what I DID know about WoW, prior to playing:
- There are elves involved. And dwarves. I think.
- Chuck Norris does their advertisements. Does this mean that Chuck Norris plays?
- It is possible that Chuck Norris will, at some point, kill me. In the game. Not real life.
- It is an MMORPG (or something), which is fun to spell. I think this means lots of people, online, playing together? Yes?
- Other players play with you! Which means new online friendships!
- Sometimes, those other people aren't really your friends, and will eventually kill and betray you, leading to the destruction of the universe as we know it. (I read this in a comic book, and that makes it true, right?)
- There is fighting. And probably war. I believe swords and bows and arrows will be involved in this.
- DRAGONS! There are dragons! What is not to love about that?
- I will, inevitably, die at least 1,000 times before making it out of the orientation stage.
And then I tried to download the game. Here's a clue how terrible at this game I will be: it took me HOURS to figure out how to download the game correctly, much less actually get it installed on my computer. Still, once I installed it, I found out I was right! There ARE elves and dwarves! And that makes whatever death is ahead totally worth it, because elves and dwarves make everything worth it.
Now, I'm a bit puzzled about the character-making process: what is the difference between Horde and Alliance? And why are the Night Elves, who seem a bit evil, on the Alliance side, while the Blood Elves, who look much nicer, on the Horde side?
In any case, I am now a Blood Elf. To be specific, a female Hunter-Blood Elf. With a cool DragonHawk thing named, creatively, DragonHawk. (I did not choose the name.) And speaking of names, is there a proper etiquette for WoW names? I felt that, given the nature of the game, my creature should have a voilent-sounding name, like Doom-Crusher, or Elf-Slaughterer, or HarbingerofDeathandDestructionandEvilThings, or something like that. Which is why, in honor of SparkNotes, I named my nice little elf SparkSlayer. Wow, that sounded a lot cooler in my head.
So, I have a character, I have the game, I even have a miniature dragon...now I just need to figure out how to play this thing. Any advice?