Geekiness has always been a little harder to measure than other traits. You can rely on a clear numerical value if you want to brag about, say, your physical fitness ("I can bench twelve pounds."), or your culinary expertise. ("I can fit four marshmallow peeps in my mouth at the same time.") But how are you supposed to quantify your geekiness? Epic nerdcore rap battles in the middle of the street, officiated by a professional scorekeeper?
Well, yes, obviously. But for those who can't spit lyrical fire like "01101000 01101001," we have developed this handy quiz. Pick the answer that best describes you and tally up your score; As are worth 3, Bs are worth 2, and Cs are worth 1.
1.) Your book collection...
a.) Comprises several complete fantasy or sci-fi series, meticulously-ordered comics, and at least one reference book about something fictional (e.g. Fodor's Azeroth or The Elvish Dictionary That You Will Hide When A Girl Comes Over)
b.) Contains a mainstream fantasy series you bought after you saw its mainstream movie adaptation in a mainstream movie theater with mainstream humans
c.) Is housed entirely in your locker and contains spellbinding titles like "MATH" and "US HISTORY"
2.) When your family computer breaks, you...
a.) Bolt upright, having felt a disturbance in the Force; you arrive to discover that someone has run a file called "free_iphones.exe," expecting that it would provide them with free iPhones, which you explain, as you fix everything, is not a thing that can happen.
b.) Are at fault. Hey, the file said "free iPhones," and what are you, a computer expert?
c.) Hide. Will the computer repair guy find your pictures of sexy armadillos??
3.) Describe your wardrobe:
a.) I own a regular rotation of geek shirts, all of which involve references to Yoda or time travel; people often look at me like I have escaped from a zoo.
b.) Somewhere I have a shirt with a dragon on it, but most of my stuff, I dunno, my mom bought, I guess.
c.) I prefer to pay actual money for fashionable clothes like a functional adult.
4.) Your preferred decorations are:
a.) Anime wall scrolls, absurd fantasy weaponry, pewter wizards, the periodic table of elements
b.) Movie posters, practical weaponry, contemporary art, an edited periodic table that contains only the most helpful elements
c.) A football man scoring a sports goal
5.) Your favorite show...
a.) Is too geeky and obscure for the normals to understand, which is why you must meet in convention centers and airport hotels once a year to celebrate it, dressed like an alien or a robot
b.) Is a big-budget thrill ride full of the wryest one-liners and the nakedest explosions
c.) Is about cars or relationships or whatever
6.) The lyrics to your favorite music...
a.) Are nonexistent, because video game remixes and nerdy soundtracks have no lyrics, or alternatively they involve a guy screaming metal stuff like "GRIMLY REND MY SOUL IN TWAIN, THOU DARKEST JABBERWOCK"
b.) Were highly praised by Pitchfork and contain no Doctor Who references
c.) Are all "Baby baby/ We are at a party/ Wooo"
15-18 - You are a committed geek. You know the difference between orks and orcs, you laugh out loud every time a movie attempts to portray technology in a realistic way, and if someone printed a shirt that said "For initiative: That's how I roll," you would wear it.
10-14 - You are a well-functioning member of society, which would be a a point of pride anywhere but here. You will live a normal life, marry a pleasant human, and work at a job in a building. Boooo.
5-9 - First of all, you can't get a 5. Second, you seem to be the antithesis of geekery, and you should consider investing in a protractor or some anime, for the sake of your health.
What's your score?