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Cereal Mascot Tournament Round 3, the Semi-Finals

Cereal Mascot Tournament Round 3, the Semi-Finals

By RG Daniels

The semi-finals of the Cereal Mascot Tournament are here! Round 2 saw some major upsets. Sonny took down Fred Flintstone & Barney Rubble and ended their dynasty of fame. News reports claimed the two argued all the way back to Bedrock and the future of the team is up in the air. Count Chocula defeated Lucky and put an end to the vampires vs. leprechaun debate before it even got started. Will Tony the Tiger stomp his way through to the Finals? Can Cap’n Crunch charge on to the Championship round? Is Sonny cuckoo enough to advance? Is Count Chocula ready to fight his way through the semi-finals? On to Round 3!

Tony the Tiger vs. Sonny the Cuckoo Bird

This match-up begins with each fighter wary of the other. Tony the Tiger is slowly circling the ring, quietly growling, as he gets ready to contain the bird. Sonny is prepared for battle. He notices a small group of fans that have dubbed themselves, “The Cuckoo Crazies.”  The ring announcer bellows the fighter’s names and without any warning: we have a cage match! It’s a twist in the tournament! Who coulda seen this coming???

The bell sounds and Tony immediately jumps at Sonny who dodges the tiger. Sonny is all over the ring. Tony desperately wants to get his hands on the bird. He finally corners Sonny against the cage and claws at him once…twice…three times. The crowd can’t watch! Sonny falls to the floor. Tony circles around him and makes a move. He picks Sonny up over his head and slams him to the mat! There are traces of cocoa-blood coming from Sonny’s mouth. The bird is hurt! The bird is hurt!

Sonny is dazed as Tony brings him to his feet. He drags Sonny to a corner of the cage and unloads on him. As Sonny drops to the ground Tony bellows to the crowd, “I’m G-r-r-r-reat!” Then, he reaches into his pocket to pull out…what looks like…a handful of Cocoa Puffs! What is Tony thinking??? He scatters them right in front of Sonny who recognizes the cereal and immediately begins to perk up! The Cuckoo Crazies are going wild in the stands! Sonny’s eyes begin freaking out. Tony take’s a fighter’s stance in the ring. The bird gobbles up the Puffs and instantly starts flapping his arms like a lunatic. He charges for Tony! But the tiger is ready for him, swatting him away, causing Sonny to bounce all over the cage. Tony’s plan to rile Sonny up was intentional! The bird is banging into the cage, zooming from side to side; top to bottom…it’s a terrible scene. Tony is getting a huge kick out of watching Sonny destroy himself. This could be it for Sonny. It was a magical ride through this tournament, but once this Cocoa rush wears off it’s hard to imagine any sort of comeback in this fight.

Tony is now licking his paws in the middle of the ring. Sonny is whipping back and forth in a horrible storm of feathers and cocoa and—wait! Sonny reaches out and grabs Tony by his red scarf! Oh my, what is happening! Sonny drags Tony by his scarf throughout the cage! He’s taking the tiger for a ride! With every surge against the steel cage the bird is shielding himself with Tony the Tiger! Unbelievable!!! Finally, Sonny tangles the scarf on the cage, Tiger still attached. Tony is hanging like a piece of meat in a butcher shop! Sonny is the one handing out the beating, using him as a punching bag! The tiger is giving in! The tiger is giving in! And it’s all over! WOW! A major upset in the semi-finals as Tony’s plan backfires! Sonny’s done it! He has taken out the tiger! Winner: Sonny the Cuckoo Bird

Cap’n Crunch vs. Count Chocula

The cage has been removed from the previous fight and we are told these two competitors will fight by the traditional rules. Cap’n Crunch makes his way to the ring followed by Count Chocula. There is an air of gloom lingering. The Cap’n is not known for dirty tricks. He is as clean a fighter as they come. It is hard to imagine we’ll see any shenanigans on his part. The Count, however, continues to seethe from being ranked low in the tournament and is ready to try anything to win.

As the match starts Count Chocula is laughing uncontrollably. The Cap’n can’t figure out what is so funny. He locks the vampire up in a submission hold, but the Count changes into a bat and escapes. The Cap’n tries again, but once more the Count bat-ifies. Finally, the Cap’n eases off and tries to bring Chocula to him. The Count walks towards the Cap’n, fangs in clear sight, arms raised in the air, and…the lights go out! Two bolts of lightning flash through the arena! Booms of thunder! When the lights return the Cap’n is being held from behind! A large pink figure with gigantic arms is restraining the Cap’n. It’s Frankenberry! It is a blatant disrespect for the tournament’s rules! The crowd is booing. The Cap’n is contained and losing oxygen. The Count approaches him and sinks his teeth into his neck! Frankenberry lets him drop to the mat. The two monsters are celebrating. The crowd, completely disgusted with their antics, showers them with Crunch Berries in a show of support for the Cap’n.

Crunch gets to his feet, looks around, dazed and confused. Chocula and Frankenberry are staring him down. Crunch starts to make his way toward them, but before he gets a chance to make a move his skin turns pale. The lightning and thunder return! Cap’n Crunch…is a vampire! Chocula and Frankenberry are in hysterics. The bell sounds and the ring announcer makes his way to the center:

“Ladies and gentlemen, the winner of the semi-final round…as a result of a DISQUALIFICATION…CAP’N CRUNCH!!!!!”

The crowd is going crazy. Count Chocula and Frankenberry don’t seem happy with the decision. Meanwhile, Vampire Cap’n Crunch is standing alongside the other two monsters, motionless, not saying a word.  The Count grabs the microphone, “Sonny…there’s room for only one King of Cocoa around here! Get ready…we are coming for you! BWAHAHAHAHA!” Winner: (Vampire) Cap’n Crunch

Tomorrow: Final Round

Who do you think should win?

Tags: food, contests, life, brackets, cereals

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About the Author
RG Daniels

RG Daniels is a writer living in Brooklyn, NY. He likes ‘90s one-hit wonders, breakfast for dinner, and koala bears. He is currently on Level 163 in Candy Crush.

Wanna contact a writer or editor? Email contribute@sparknotes.com.

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