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New Slang for Books

New Slang for Books

By reidfaylor

You can tell the things we care about by the number of slang terms we have for them. Eskimos, a prime example, had tons of words for snow, perhaps even too many words for snow, to the point where it got kinda weird. If you count the amount of slang, you can tell easily pinpoint what our society seems to care about: drinking, drugs, sex, the organs involved in sex, and of course horses (“ponies,” “clipper-cloppers,” “riding cows,” “ol’ big-teeth-two-eyes” –so much horse slang!).

But what about books? Personally, I’m a big book fan, but there seems to be only one term for it: book. I guess you could call it “literature,” but I’m not really sure I support the people who casually call it that. “Ooh, excuse me, I need to read some literature.” “Excuse me, I need to find a new friend.

Thankfully though, I have put some thought into this, and come up with some book slang for all of us to use, as to emphasize just how much we care about it. Try 'em out! Drop them into everyday conversation—they'll be sure to impress everybody.

BOOK SLANG

The flips

BLT (bacon lettuce text)

Papes

Page-a-day Vitamin

Black-and-white-read-y-look-y

Newspaper’s Father

Movie Scripts Scripts

Those Things Mark Twain Made

Chauncy

Hot and Read-y

Word-home

Ink Ghetto

Boob with a K (this one is racy!)

Page Sandwich

BLT (bacon literature tomato)

BLT (book lettuce tomato)

Bible’s Cousin

The Cut Up Scroll

Papyrus’ Baby

Koob

BLT (bacon lettuce tomato)

Poor Man’s Booster Seat

Thing-to-throw-at-intruders

Dyslexia’s Jigsaw Puzzle

The Ol’ Open-and-look-at-from-left-to-right-and-think-about-in-your-brain

Typewriter’s Coloring Book

Poster Flattener

Imagination Doorway (this is easily the lamest sounding one, don’t actually use this)

The Eye’s Greed (or “gread,” if  you want to sacrifice spelling for puns)

Bread (mispronounced) (wait, that sounds like “breed”, which isn’t the same … eh, you get it)

Lady-Impresser

Bathroom’s TV

Add some more! Let's get this to be a thing.

Tags: books, lists, funniest, books-and-comics

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About the Author
reidfaylor

Reid Faylor is a stand-up comedian, cartoonist, writer, and whimsically bearded gentleman living in New York City. He owns a cat named Mr. President. You can follow his tumblr at reidfaylor.tumblr.com.

Wanna contact a writer or editor? Email contribute@sparknotes.com.