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Dr. Seuss Hits on Girls

Dr. Seuss Hits on Girls

By Eric Siegelstein

Dr. Seuss was a writer, you may know who he is.

His birthday's March 2nd—today—it is his!

He was young once too, and before he had fame,

He practiced his rhyming in the dating game.

Dr. Seuss would use his rhymes to impress a young miss,

And go for a date and then maybe a kiss!

So gather around and let's wish him good luck,

As young Dr. Seuss finds cute girls he can... go to prom with.

Hello sporty girl, and how are you today?

I just saw you running, no don't run away!

For I love a girl who is physically fit,

So if it's all right let us talk for a bit.

You've got real good form and your pace is so speedy,

How I wish you'd slow down, 'cause I swear I'm not needy.

You see my name is Ted but they call me the Doc,

The other girls love me because of my excellent... sense of humor.

I just love your goggles and neon pink hair!

What are your plans tonight, we could go anywhere.

We could go to a show or a walk in the park,

We could skate down the street and stay out 'til it's dark!

But I've got a question, it's bothering me,

When you wear those goggles, just how do you see?

They don't seem transparent, they're not made of glass.

There's no way you could see me 'til I squeeze your... hand.

Oh no!  Your books!  They're all on the floor!

Allow me to help you, and be sad no more!

I just hate to see a young girl in distress,

So do you have a boyfriend? I don't mean to press,

But if you're seeing no one, I'll help with that too!

I just need a prom date, and it could be you!

You like books and I write them, everything just fits!

Of the girls I've met today, you've got the best... taste in literature.

Red hair, green hair, blue hair, pink!

It's a great look for you, I really do think!

Your hair is so cool, you're one of a kind,

And I had to tell you, I hope you don't mind.

I'm crazy 'bout girls who do just their own thing!

And your independence makes my heart take wing!

Please go out with me, we will do lots of stuff!

I'd like to find out if you color your... eyebrows.

Why hello there math whiz, my gosh you are so smart!

I'd like to calculate the way to your heart!

The formula's tricky, the math complicated,

You're just so darn sexy, why haven't we dated?

I'm good at math too, so I can help you study.

We'll do this together, I'll be your math buddy!

You carry the one and I will solve for X,

And later tonight maybe we can have... a very lovely time together.

Your cat has a hat!  I just find that so funny!

I wrote a book like that, it made me some money.

Did you know I'm a writer, a good one you see,

Most folks who can read, well they learned it from me!

If I'm coming off desperate, please don't take offense,

I don't have a prom date, my need is intense!

My folks won't be home and my family's rich,

So put your cat down and come out with me, beautiful.

Tags: prom, poetry, birthdays, girls, dr. seuss, poems, funniest, books-and-comics

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