Super True Facts About St. Patrick's Day
All of these are true. Super, super true.
- St. Patrick’s Day was originally named after Patrick Day, a dude who made shoes in Ireland. He was sainted after inventing the slam-dunk, and the holiday was just called St. Patrick’s Day ‘cuz St. Patrick Day’s Day sounds too weird.
- The World Record for awkward moments was broken on St. Patrick’s Day in 1997 in Lexington, Kentucky.
- The percentage of couples that get engaged on St. Patrick’s Day is 0%. The percentage of couples that break up on St. Patrick’s Day is also 0%. The percentage of couples that responded to this survey is 0%.
- It is rumored that in 1972 in a small town in Brazil, it rained fruit punch on St. Patrick’s Day. Those rumors were confirmed—the "rain" was just a shipment of juice that fell off a Tropicana plane.
- St. Patrick’s Day in Denmark is Christmas. And Christmas in Denmark is Memorial Day. And Memorial Day is Hannukah. And Hannukah is Thanksgiving. And Thanksgiving is President’s Day. And President’s Day doesn’t exist because Denmark doesn’t have a president, they have a Prime Minister.
- “Happy St. Patrick’s Day” is roughly translated to “Your Mother is a Toad Fart” in Burmese, so be careful if you ever visit Burma on St. Patrick’s Day.
- Traditionally, the first baby born on St. Patrick’s Day gets his/her own reality show called “Baby Makeover” where doctors and fashion consultants point out trouble-areas and improve that baby to be the best he/she could be.
- The Miss St. Patrick’s Day Pageant in Biloxi, Mississippi tragically came to an end in 2004 when every single contestant couldn’t find where Biloxi is.
- In Dublin, Ireland, a traditional meal of corned beef with cabbage and/or potatoes is served on St. Patrick’s Day. In Brooklyn, New York the meal is the same except after every bite you have to say, “Fuhgeddaboutit!”
- The 3 companies that earn the most money on St. Patrick’s Day are Anheuser-Busch, Coors, and Phil Parker, a designated taxi driver in Kansas City who goes by the nickname, “Chick Phil-A.”
- The shamrock was originally called a “ShamWow.” It still is in some places.
- Green is the color most worn on St. Patrick’s Day followed by orange, black, Wolverine yellow, Rubik's Cube blue, Boring-trip-to-the-museum Brown, Chicken-McNugget gold, Nuclear apocalypse pink, and Anatomy gray.
- In Hollywood, Michael Bay is rumored to direct “SPD,” a special-effects blockbuster where an army of robot leprechauns battle aliens from another planet to protect the sacred Red-Headed Goddess of Luck. Unfortunately, shooting for the movie was halted when an executive thought the title was “STD.”