Guys, I am beginning to wonder: is there a set group of qualifications you have to meet before you can be good at World of Warcraft? Like, 1) was born on the second Tuesday of May, 2) is excellent kazoo player, 3) has index toe that is actually shorter than big toe. I really hope so, because I'm not any of those things ... and that would explain why I am so terrible at this game.
Otherwise, I have no excuse for my patheticness.
Fine, I probably just suck. Question: are you all born naturally good at this game, or is there something I can do to suddenly become an amazingly dangerous and sexy killer elf? Perhaps I am destined to be terrible forever—though I am learning a little bit, I think. For instance: I actually figured out all by myself that you can use the Hearthstone thing to transport home. Which I did. Impressive, no? Stop smirking at me; it totally is ... even if it requires absolutely no experience. BUT I WASN'T LOST ANYMORE, SO WHATEVER.
Of course, that success didn't last long. What is it with me and dying? We're like Ron and Hermione, Frodo and Sam, Katniss and Peeta—inseparable, though we don't always like each other. Again, it was a quest that did me in. Back in the familiar territory of Sunstrider Isle, I accepted a quest to defend the perimeter of Falconwing Square. (Have I mentioned that I love the names here? Why don't we have epic-sounding names like Dragon Tower or Hedgehog Plateau?) Unfortunately, I took it a little too far, because there were all these nasty Goblin-rogues surrounding the woods who decided to gang up and kill me. Whoops. I guess I can't take on ten level six killers all at once ... at least not as a level five.
In the midst of my murder (during which DragonHawk was no help, by the way. He died while giving me a look of utmost contempt. AND YES, video game pets CAN give looks of contempt), another player ran by. Stupidly, I thought he might be nice and help me. I used the chat bar to make my little elf girl scream "HELP!" He responded "Screw you, n00b," ran off. And then I died. This experience has taught me two things: 1) I obviously need to make my character more sexy, so I can seduce men into obeying my every whim, and 2) I desperately need a friend. Or at least an acquaintance. Or even a sarcastic nemesis who is willing to follow me around, rescuing me from things while mocking my every move.
And that's why I have a goal for next week: make a friend. It WILL happen. Even if I have to follow every other player I see around obnoxiously until they agree to associate with me. Even if I have to spend DAYS searching for a suitable companion. Oh crap. This is impossible, isn't it? Not even DragonHawk wants to be friends with me, and he HAS to because he has no mind of his own. How am I going to get a reasonably intelligent person to help me? Any advice on how to trick convince someone to be my friend? Is there some sort of etiquette system? Perhaps death is destined to be my only friend.
Alternatively, there isn't, by any chance, a World of Warcraft black market where you can buy friends, is there? Because that might be easier.