“Beware the ides of March,” a soothsayer warns Julius Caesar. Caesar quips, “The ides of March have come,” as if everything was A-OK since he made it to March 15th alive. The soothsayer, always quick with those not-so-soothing responses, says “Ay, Caesar, but not gone.” Don’t Caesar it!
Note: “Don’t Caesar it” is a new catchphrase we’re working on. It means “don’t get too cocky” or something about properly bewaring the ides.
So, how can you not Caesar it? By PROPERLY BEWARING THE IDES. March is not the only thing with ides. Everything has an ide, and you should beware.
-Beware the ides of Sunday. Sunday is such a buzzkill, especially once you’re awake. You spend a lot of the day doing not-fun things, like homework and laundry, all leading up to that 5 p.m. crisis of “ohgoshtomorrowismonday.” Beware.
-Beware the ides of a burrito. Halfway through, you think you can’t make it. Maybe I’ll save it for later, you say to yourself. Don’t think those thoughts. Finish it. Beware.
-Beware the ides of this article. Beware.
-Beware the ides of Cadbury Crème Eggs. Warning: it’s delicious.
-Beware the ides of a Words With Friends game. Sometimes we get too comfortable in our lead. Don’t. It will be embarrassing when that guy in your class who posts unintelligible Facebook updates manages to beat you. Beware.
-Beware the ides of Snooki’s pregnancy. She’s going to look 9 months pregnant almost immediately, leading everyone to wonder how long her child will gestate. Beware.
-Beware the ides of any Walking Dead episode. Everything will seem fine. AND THEN EVERYTHING WILL BE AWFUL. Beware.
-Beware the ides of Malcolm, where a gifted youngster tries to deal with his idiot family. Beware.
-Beware the ides of a shopping trip with your mom. You’re both about to get cranky, and you might say something mean. Suggest a trip to Starbucks instead. Or, simply beware.
-Beware the ides of spring. You’re going to leave the house in a sweater and jeans, and end up sweating all day because the temperature rose 30 degrees. Beware.
What else should we all beware?