10 Things the Legend of Zelda Teaches You About Dating
The Legend of Zelda lets you seek adventure, reach glory, and fight epic battles by waving a white stick at your TV. But did you know among these epic conquests, there lay timeless lessons about love and dating? If you know your Zelda, and don’t mind copious spoilers, read on to find out how The Legend of Zelda can help you melt even Ganondorf’s heart…
10) You always want what you can’t have
Why does link always chase Zelda? Why not Midna, Marin, Malon, or even Ruto, another princess that literally throws herself at Link when they meet in Jabu Jabu’s belly? It’s because reaching Zelda poses the greatest challenge, and challenges are exciting. Which leads us to our next point…
9) Your significant other will play hard to get. And you will fall for it.
In a Link to the Past, she’s stuck in a castle. In Ocarina of Time, she hides for seven years as a boy. In Twilight Princess, she magically disappears into another realm. Then, in Skyward Sword, she actually goes back in time to freeze herself in unbreakable maple goo so that Link can’t even contact her in the present. Link, bro, take a hint.
8) Share the things you love, but be careful.
I introduced my girlfriend to Wind Waker. The first time I said “I love you” was while listening to the game’s soundtrack. Then we broke up. Now I can’t even touch my Gamecube.
7) You hurt the ones you love
On different occasions, Zelda been exiled from her kingdom, trapped in the basement of Hyrule Castle, and even possessed by Ganondorf himself. Even though Link didn’t mean to inflict pain, he indirectly caused Zelda emotional and physical turmoil. Hurt in relationships is inevitable. But remember, when you do end up causing your loved one pain…
6) Don’t push them too far.
Everyone has a snapping point; crossing it will cause you the agony of a lifetime. One word: Cuccoos.
5) Listen to your heart when it’s time to move on.
Relationships are a lot like dungeons. You go in not knowing what to expect. At first it’s exciting, then frustrating, then rewarding, then frustrating again. You might die on the inside a few times, and face outstanding battles before figuring out what you want. And you’ll always know when it’s time to move on, because your new heart (container) will lead you out.
4) Experience makes you attractive.
I’m always amazed at how complacent the inhabitants of our Zelda universe can be. And whether it’s Kafei in Clocktown, or Fledge in Skyloft, it seems every character pining for a lover’s attention hides from challenge until Link appears! Link, on the other hand, is constantly moving— experiencing the world and adding to his character. He’s so worldly, even Nabooru can’t stop flirting when she meets 10 year-old Link in the Spirit Temple. Come to think of it, the only other characters that travel as much as Link are the nomadic Gorons. You know they must be rolling in dates with the Goron ladies.
3) Actions speak louder than words.
Show you care. Missing your chickens? We found them. Want these pumpkins moved into your restaurant? Taken care of. Need to seal away a magical tyrant who is bent on taking over the world and can’t be stopped by any mortal who walks to earth? We brought the duct tape. While every other macho archetype blabbers away about their swag, our hero is out doing good. Link doesn’t need to talk to have the girls go ga-ga.
2) Flashy objects can’t replace quality of character
Have you ever noticed that every rich person in Zelda is lonely? The mansion owner in Wind Waker. The man made of gold in Twilight Princess. Even the family of Skulltulas in Ocarina of Time. Why, you ask? Because they all relied on their money to bring them happiness. Not attractive. Link has many…many flashy weapons, and he has so many rupees he purposely doesn’t open dungeon chests. Heck, he once bought a suit of armor that literally eats money! But never, ever, has he showed off material goods to gain someone else’s favor. Well…except for the Scarecrow in Ocarina of Time. But that was more about the music.
1) "Attractive" is another word for "confident"
Link is always at his best right before his final boss fight. In every case, that’s when the Triforce of Courage lights up, and he uses his own gumption to save the day. The courage was there all along—he just needed to help it wake up. It’s a nice reminder that we each have a little triangle shining inside, and we are our best—in or out of a relationship—when we make it brighter.
Also, it reminds us that we do NOT have the Triforce of Wisdom, so we will make many…many dumb mistakes along the way.