Blades and beards and bolts and boobs and banter: it’s Game of Thrones! So what was going on this week?
1. Tyrion plays the old "who can't keep a secret" game, and Pycelle is the loser. No surprise, really—this is the guy who betrayed Henry and Indiana Jones to the Nazis, after all. Seems like he’s keeping his “manhood” for now, at least—not that it’ll do him much good in his prison cell. I suppose you could say that once again, he has chosen … poorly.
2. Renly's new wife's dress. Let's talk about this for a second. It was very, um ... well, it seemed like there was a bit missing. Like they got to the front and just ran out of fabric. Maybe it’s supposed to be a distraction from how much this king would rather be married to her brother. And speaking of fashion in Camp Renly, how about the size of that crown? A bit presumptuous for someone yet to fight a single battle, though I guess Renly’s strength has always supposed to have been his ability to work a crowd.
3. Meet Brienne. She's certainly tall. Also quite different from the usual array of prostitutes, ladies in waiting, and crazy witches in this show. Anyway, I'm intrigued to see where the story takes this handsome woman. At least we know if Marvel wants to go ahead with a She-Hulk movie, they have casting choices beyond “let’s just CGI Kristen Bell to make her look 7 feet tall.”
4. Bran totally has wolf vision! Just when I forgot he existed. Maester Luwin’s there to give him the anti-Hagrid speech: “You're not a wizard, Bran!” Hodor is also there, to give the Hodor speech: “Hodor!” PS: sorry Luwie, Bran totally is a wizard. WOLF VISION.
5. Sophie Turner is good at acting. Sansa was such a stuck up so-and-so last season, wasn't she? And now every scene she’s got that tear she’s just barely holding back … ugh, heartbreaking. I’m almost ready to forgive her for being so awful to Arya last season. Though now that she’s got Shae as her new handmaiden, it could lead to some interesting plot developments. Granted, I think those developments would be more along the lines of Tyrion using her another asset in his games against Cersei, but still, it could end up giving her more to do than being pretty and regretting her life decisions.
6. No Daenerys this week. We’ll just have to assume she’s still in the desert, waiting for the rest of her scouts to come back. Waiting, just waiting … hopefully they haven’t run out of things to talk about yet. “So Jorah, there sure are a lot of rocks out here, aren’t there?” “Yes, Khaleesi, it is very rocky indeed.” Yeah, I think we’re okay just imagining that conversation.
7. The badass end of Yoren from the Night’s Watch. You could see this coming eventually, after the way he pointed his knife at that soldier’s delicate bits last season. But still, what a great battle scene this was. “I hate crossbows, they take too long to reload!” Bad. Ass. And another entry to the list of Arya’s mentors who she gets to watch go down fighting off vastly superior numbers. I’m going to go out on a limb and predict that she’ll be taking her Needle back before too long. Quite possibly with some help from those hardened criminals whose lives she saved.
8. Theon! Nooooo! Don't be such a jerkface, jerkface.