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A Guy's Guide To Pinterest

A Guy's Guide To Pinterest

Pinterest recently became the fastest-growing site ever. If you check it out right now, what you're likely to find is a vast array of haute cuisine, geometrically impossible hairstyles, and maybe a picture of two raccoons who are in love. What you won't find is a single butt or explosion, indicating that there has never been a male human anywhere near this site. (Motivational exercise-related butts are excluded from this generalization.)

This doesn't mean that you are chromosomally ineligible for Pinterest; the Pinterest Authorities will not come to your house and take you away if you post a picture of a hamburger or katana. But there are some unwritten rules you should probably try to keep in mind. Here are some guidelines to the major Pinterest categories, and a rating of how inaccessible those categories are for guys.

Male Difficulty: 8/10
This is the category you will find hardest to contribute to as a male, uh, Pinterestarian. Much of the fashion here involves floppy scarves, cloaks made out of old blankets, and other things that would get you pelted with rocks if you tried to wear them. You probably don't have long, beautiful tresses, so hairstyles are outside the scope of your experience as well, unless you have a lot of long, beautiful tresses that you have collected in a jar, in which case you should turn yourself in to the police.

Male Difficulty: 5/10
In male-dominated parts of the internet, image macros are generally used to make observations about the status of a walrus's bucket or whether or not those are the droids you're looking for. In this setting, images fall into one of three broad categories. The first consists of clever and uplifting wordplay ("EARTH without ART is just EH"), which you can try to come up with on your own, though this is harder than it seems ("Oh yeah, well, RAINBOWS are just... I OWN... BRAS"). The second is witticisms written out in cursive on various objects; literally anything by Oscar Wilde will do ("THE." -Oscar Wilde). The final category, of course, is snark.

Male Difficulty: 3/10
The crafty stuff on Pinterest ranges from doily lamps to gravity-defying bookcases; as long as you have the ability to melt a bookcase, you will always have something to contribute to this category. Failing that, just find some old doors; pictures of old doors make up about 20% of this site. Better yet, just find an empty room in your house and keep adding as many doors to it as you can. Don't stop for any reason.

Male Difficulty: 1/10
You know how this one works; people want animals at their most adorable. They want to see a puppy perched on top of a penguin, who is driving a dump truck full of cats, or maybe a picture that implies two ladybugs are trying to figure out their income taxes. Don't just post, like, a sack of oysters or a rat.

Male Difficulty: 6/10
On the surface, this category might seem like an easy one. You eat food; girls eat food; the end. But Pinterest reveals that this is not the case. You eat a taco or a hot dog; girls eat art. If there's a cake on Pinterest, it comes served in a wine glass for some reason, and half of it is out of focus. If it's a pasta dish, the pasta is purple, and smothered in rose petals, which are also out of focus. Basically, if your food is in focus, it might as well be a pile of garbage.

Tags: girls, trends, the internet, life, pinterest

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