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HOW TO: Create Your Own Battle Royale!

HOW TO: Create Your Own Battle Royale!

By Robert Isenberg

So you want to start a Battle Royale? It's fun and easy!

First: Round up a bunch of people. Make sure that some of them are shy and quiet, and a handful are burly psychopaths.

Second: Put them in a remote location.

Third: Make them fight to the death. The last surviving contestant gets to go home. (And maybe throw 'em a car?).

But where do you send these hapless warriors? If you're The Hunger Games, you're best bet is the middle of a tightly-controlled primeval forest. If you're Enter the Dragon, a tropical island. If The Island of Dr. Moreau... well, you get the idea.

If you're planning a Battle Royale for either fun or profit, consider these exotic destinations:

Greenland: Cold, windswept, and sparsely populated, Greenland offers a large playing field with plenty of icy crevasses to fall into. Just hope the contestants actually find each other before starving to death.

Nantucket: Watch as the fighters battle their way through the cobbled streets, desperately seeking a handy harpoon or razor-sharp fluke anchor. If we're lucky, local mariners will smell a brawl and start swinging fists, just for fun. The audience? Old men with muttonchops and corncob pipes, watching from their porches.

Bouvet Island: Officially the most remote island in the world. There's no escapin' this place. And there's a volcano!

The Principality of Sealand: (NOTE: THIS IS AN ACTUAL PLACE). Sealand is a floating pontoon base in the North Sea that was taken over by a bunch of weird hippies in 1967. Since then, the two pillars of concrete and large steel platform have been declared a sovereign nation. But no matter! It's perfect for a Battle Royale! Fighters can't go far; you can affix cameras everywhere; and only the most daring contestant would try to swim six miles to the English coast.

Southeastern Papua New Guinea: Nothing generates teamwork, even in a Battle Royale, better than the threat of indigenous cannibals. Not only do the Korowai reportedly still eat people—their poison-tipped arrows are nearly impossible to remove from human flesh.

The Middle of the Amazon: Despite deforestation, the Amazon rainforest still comprises 1.7 billion acres of dense woodland, replete with poisonous serpents, bugs that lay eggs inside your skin, and every disease imaginable. It might be hard to outfit cameras, though. And pitch-dark jungles make for lousy resolution. GoPros?

The Columbus Zoo: Lock all the gates, open all the cages, and see what happens. The Columbus Zoo has more than 5,000 animals of 700 species. And a large number of them have claws. Broadcast-ready!

The Original Coliseum: Made all the more interesting now that it's a ruin. Outfit fighters with collars that explode if they leave the perimeter. (Actually, that could work for pretty much any of these).

A Texas Gun Show: It might not last long, but this Battle Royale would totally end with a bang.

A Zeppelin: Okay, so you drug all your fighters, they wake up in a zeppelin full of weapons... but the catch is that there's no pilot or crew. And it's floating through the jagged Himalayas. And the engine room is on fire. Too much? Never too much!

Where would you set a Battle Royale?

Tags: movies, games, funniest

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