Distinguishing Powers: Super strength; super endurance; invulnerability to criticism about his unsettling, hairless body or gross varicose veins.
Reason Rejected: Redundant
Nick Fury says: "I was like, yeah, YOU'RE PRETTY CUT, Chief. But there just AINT NO ROOM for a MAN THONG on THIS TEAM. I mean, we already GOT a guy who JUICES, but at least HE has the decency to wear some SMALL BLUE SHORTS. NEXT!"
Brandon is a writer and humor editor at Reader's Digest magazine. He was born in Tucson, Arizona, and wants to write a paranormal Western that begins, "First the cows turned up dead." What should the rest be about? Tell him on twitter @beardspeck.