Distinguishing Powers: Encyclopedic knowledge of Avenged Sevenfold catalog; Learned scythe-wielding mastery as high school Color guard captain; achieves near invisibility at night (except for skin, which is slightly fluorescent); noise-canceling headphones can block out all the world's misery except her own.
Reason Rejected: Kind of a downer
Nick Fury Says: "I was digging the glam reaper vibe, and I would've learned to overlook the constant buzz of MY CHEMICAL ROMANCE that was LEAKING out of her STUPID-ENORMOUS headphones (which, by the way, she NEVER TURNED OFF during the interview—that's bad form, kids!)! But what REALLY got me was the straight-up NEGATIVE attitude in the abstract poetry she forced me to read as her cover letter. It's like, it's BAD ENOUGH that I've got to deal with Captain America's whining about his dead girlfriend, or whatever. A man can only muster so much fake give-a-crap, you know?"
Brandon is a writer and humor editor at Reader's Digest magazine. He was born in Tucson, Arizona, and wants to write a paranormal Western that begins, "First the cows turned up dead." What should the rest be about? Tell him on twitter @beardspeck.