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Which Avengers Didn't Make The Cut? Nick Fury Narrates

The Recyclone

Distinguishing Powers: Can instill temporary guilt in the hearts of irresponsible consumers; has a carbon footprint of zero (carbons/toe); can take discarded weaponry/equipment from ex-Avengers and/or construction workers and craft them into new, slightly less-effective weaponry/equipment and/or construction supplies; is vegan and proud—super proud. Reason Rejected: Hipster smugness Nick Fury Says: "OK, THIS dude was goin' ON and ON about how his shield was made from 100%…cruelty-free…reclaimed TOFU, or some s***, and I was like, COOL MAN, you got principles, I respect that, but EXPLAIN TO ME how that's gonna help you when ULTRON is shooting VOLCANO LASERS at your chest??? So THEN the dude starts NAGGING me about the 'graceful COWS' who died to make my 'GAUDY' leather duster—and THAT'S where Nick Fury DRAWS THE LINE. All I'm saying is you BETTER BE a superhero if you diss the duster, cause you're about to go OUT THE FREAKIN' WINDOW, my man."
Tags: movies, slideshows, celebrity slideshows, the avengers, avengers, summer blockbusters, avengers movie, nick fury

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About the Author
Brandon Specktor

For 22 years, Brandon was a fat kid living in Tucson, AZ, which gave him lots and lots of time to write. He now works at a magazine in New York City, but still loves writing almost as much as he loves muffins.

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