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Which Avengers Didn't Make The Cut? Nick Fury Narrates

Cap'n Douche

Distinguishing Powers: Knit cap ($40, American Eagle) perpetually retains head warmth; Can blind foes with a miasma of AXE cologne in a single spray; Designer shades ($280, Oakley) guard eyes from harmful UVA and B rays; Barrier of low self-esteem deflects all criticism, except from mother or bestest bro. Reason Rejected: Too douchey Nick Fury Says: "I TRIED to give this dude a chance to prove himself, but whenever I told him we were interested he'd just say, 'psh, whatever' like I was wasting HIS time. And when I told him to leave and that we'd be in touch, he just popped his collar and said he didn't WANT to be in my 'lame club for lametards' to begin with!! Yeah. If you say so, CAP'N. Have fun saving the world in HALO: REACH, on SINGLE PLAYER, AGAIN."
Tags: movies, slideshows, celebrity slideshows, the avengers, avengers, summer blockbusters, avengers movie, nick fury

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About the Author
Brandon Specktor

For 22 years, Brandon was a fat kid living in Tucson, AZ, which gave him lots and lots of time to write. He now works at a magazine in New York City, but still loves writing almost as much as he loves muffins.

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