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Which Avengers Didn't Make The Cut? Nick Fury Narrates

By Brandon Specktor May 4, 2012

7 of 11

Barbara The Barbarian

Distinguishing Powers: Titanic strength; Mountainous resolve; Deadly with an axe; All the discipline of a Valhallan warrior and twice the appetite; great hair. Reason Rejected: Social faux pas Nick Fury Says: "Haha…yeah, this was my bad. So this contender walks in, hefting an axe, full-on chain mail armor—bulky armor, you know, covering all the, shall we say PROTRUDING PARTS—and wearing a face that looks like it was just used to smash BOULDERS into SMALLER BOULDERS. So I chuckle and yell down the hall to Thor and I'm like, 'Yo, THOR! Your didn't tell me your UGLY OLDER BROTHER wanted a job TOO!' So I laugh, and Thor laughs, and then this chick tells me she's a chick. And it gets real quiet for a minute. So I ask her to leave. Yeah, I know, I know. But Nick Fury can't just leave any egg on his face. Wouldn't jive with the team dynamic, know what I'm saying? (sighs) It's a shame, too. I hear she's king of Westeros now."Distinguishing Powers: Titanic strength; Mountainous resolve; Deadly with an axe; All the discipline of a Valhallan warrior and twice the appetite; great hair. Reason Rejected: Social faux pas Nick Fury Says: "Haha…yeah, this was my bad. So this contender walks in, hefting an axe, full-on chain mail armor—bulky armor, you know, covering all the, shall we say PROTRUDING PARTS—and wearing a face that looks like it was just used to smash BOULDERS into SMALLER BOULDERS. So I chuckle and yell down the hall to Thor and I'm like, 'Yo, THOR! Your didn't tell me your UGLY OLDER BROTHER wanted a job TOO!' So I laugh, and Thor laughs, and then this chick tells me she's a chick. And it gets real quiet for a minute. So I ask her to leave. Yeah, I know, I know. But Nick Fury can't just leave any egg on his face. Wouldn't jive with the team dynamic, know what I'm saying? (sighs) It's a shame, too. I hear she's king of Westeros now."
Tags: movies, slideshows, celebrity slideshows, the avengers, avengers, summer blockbusters, avengers movie, nick fury

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About the Author
Brandon Specktor

Brandon is a writer and humor editor at Reader's Digest magazine. He was born in Tucson, Arizona, and wants to write a paranormal Western that begins, "First the cows turned up dead." What should the rest be about? Tell him on twitter @beardspeck.

Wanna contact a writer or editor? Email contribute@sparknotes.com.

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