At long last, Men in Black 3 is coming to theaters. We will learn why Will Smith has to go back in time. We will see the mashup of Men in Black technology with Madmen aesthetics. And we will recoil at the uncanny resemblance of Josh Brolin to Tommy Lee Jones.
But at its heart, Men in Black 3 is still a ridiculous conspiracy movie. And Everybody loves a good conspiracy, especially when "The Man" is involved.
We've relished them since the dawn of history—like when that weird homeless guy turned out to be Ulysses, King of Ithaca... or the Gunpowder Plot, which nearly blew up Parliament... or anything remotely related to President John F. Kennedy. In the fictional world (we hope), here are some favorite recent conspiracy theories—creepy, fun, and ridiculous:
Transformers 3: During the first moon landing, Buzz Aldrin led a team into "The Ark," where he found a bunch of dormant Decepticons. In one scene, the real Buzz Aldrin actually confesses to this, because Michael Bay has literally no shame (some of us hoped Buzz would actually transform into a NASA shuttle and blast off).
In Time: Okay, so it takes place 150 years from now, but in the upsetting future, people stop aging at 25—unless they're poor, and then they start dying pretty darn quick. Justin Timberlake and Amanda Seyfried must outrun gun-toting agents in a harrowing attempt to bring sexy back.
Death Race: In this remake of the 1970's actioner, Jason Statham is convicted of murdering his wife, even though he was really just changing his shirt in the other room. The warden of a super-prison convinces him to drive a car in a gladiatorial NASCAR race, proving that there is something more terrifying than the real Indianapolis 500. In actuality (SPOILER ALERT!) the Warden arranged to kill Statham's wife so that he would end up in prison and compete against the other prisoners. Best moment: A super-big-rig with rocket-launchers slams into a spiked wall... and explodes. Worst moment: All dialogue.
The Adjustment Bureau: You gotta give this movie credit, since it's sorta-kinda based on a Phillip K. Dick story. (And, like Bladerunner and Minority Report, is almost unrecognizable from the printed pages). Okay, so: Matt Damon meets supra-beautiful Emily Blunt in a bathroom. Every time they try to date, a bunch of guys in suits try to stop them, citing "The Plan," which was drafted by "The Chairman." The real conspiracy: reintroducing fedoras to men's fashion.
Apollo 18: In reality, the spacecraft Apollo 18 did land on the lunar surface, but the astronauts were basically devoured by vomitously disgusting alien creatures. (Favorite line: "IT'S INSIDE MY SUIT!"). So forget about all that nonsense about budget-cuts and the thawing of the Cold War. NASA stopped the moon landings because of gross extraterrestrials.
What are your favorite crazy conspiracies from the movies?