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Board Games That Would Make Insane Action Movies

Board Games That Would Make Insane Action Movies

By Robert Isenberg

Believe it or not, Battleship didn't exactly sink? The maritime action movie didn't do great at the U.S. box office, but it's making a big splash overseas. So the real question isn't will they make another Battleship, but when will they make another Battleship.

Now we know: Throw in aliens, top-notch special effects, and Liam Neeson growling. Oh, and blonde supermodels—for character development of course—and your favorite Milton-Bradley board game can be a top grossing piece of cinema history, too!

If a game so simple could be blown up (no pun intended) into an intergalactic science fiction epic, what other timeless tabletop games could get the Peter Berg treatment? Let's imagine.

Sudoku:
In near-future Japan, a genius serial killer lurks in the Tokyo alleyways. Detective Takahashi is a mathematical prodigy who starts to see patterns to the killing spree. The murderer always leaves chalk numbers behind, suggesting his next move. But can Takahashi solve this numerical puzzle before the prime minister's daughter is targeted?

Trivial Pursuit:
In a steam-punk alternate universe, prisoners of a certain IQ are placed in a deadly maze. They must answer obscure questions, printed on prim little cards. When they answer correctly, they receive keys (that look like colored pie-pieces) that lead into other chambers. When they answer incorrectly, they trigger booby traps. Only one player can survive. Will it be Kevin Spacey, John Cusack, or Robert Downey, Jr.?

Parchisi:
This is the first film to combine (a) high-speed racing movies with (b) Bollywood dance numbers. Aakaash is destined for a miserable life in the slums of Delhi, until he is enlisted in the Parchisi Grand Prix. He pines for the wealthy heiress Jaya, who eventually loves him back, though they never touch in any way. Lots of singing and cars flying through the air in slow motion.

Rubik's Cube:
How can you fight a futuristic inner-city war when the sides keep changing? Brightly colored gangs do battle in the streets, mostly by riding pastel-tinted motorcycles and hover-boards, but they keep shifting alliances. Things get complicated when one warlord (Jamie Foxx) falls for a warlord's daughter on the opposite side (Christina Ricci). BUT CAN THEY TRUST EACH OTHER?

Stratego:
In this tense espionage thriller, a gentleman spy (Daniel Craig) must sneak behind enemy lines and uncover a plot to blow up an English general (John Hurt, who wants to end hostilities between England and France). While the exact war is never named, everyone sword-fights and wears epaulettes. Lots of unnecessary parkour chases over castle rooftops.

Risk:
Featuring an all-star cast (Christopher Plummer, Anthony Hopkins, Judy Dench) and a cast of thousands (mostly CGI), Risk tells a fictional account of a Napoleonic-era war between "Western Europe" and "Scandinavia." With its sweeping photography, breathtaking battle scenes and over-the-top romance (Emma Watson as the Princess of Ukraine, Daniel Radcliffe as a swashbuckling marquis), Risk is a 12-hour long movie that nobody could possibly sit through. The final scene, which no one will ever see, is a wrenching winter battle on the windswept steppes of Kamchatka. Critics call it "derivative."

What other board games would make insane action movies?

Tags: movies, games, battleship, parchisi

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