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4 Biblical Stories We'd Like to See Made Into Movies

4 Biblical Stories We'd Like to See Made Into Movies

By Chaunton

As you may have heard, Darren Aronofsky, the director behind Black Swan, is in preproduction on his newest film called Noah, a retelling of the biblical story of Noah's Ark. So far the cast includes Russell Crowe, Julianne Moore, Emma Watson, Jennifer Connelly, Liev Schreiber, and Ray Winstone as the "villain" of the story (a sure sign that Aronofsky will be taking some liberties with the biblical story). This got us thinking; there are tons of wild stories in the Bible, and there are tons of dark directors out there—why aren’t these match-ups happening more often? Here are a few we’d like to see:

Martin Scorsese (The Departed) presents Jacob and Esau (Genesis Chapters 25-33)
Twin brothers, born together, but fated for different destines. One, a clever criminal, the other a dull, but loyal brute. When greed and fate drive them apart, will blood and family be enough to bring them back together? Scorsese will get to direct a story of sex, betrayal, con jobs, family conflict, and angel-wrestling! Plus, if he extends the movie to cover chapter 34 of Genesis, it will include the Rape of Dinah, which one of the most ethically messed up stories in the Bible.

Werner Herzog (Grizzly Man) presents Elijah and the Mocking Children (2 Kings 2:23-24)
It’s a one note story, but boy is it one insane note! Elijah’s out on a walk when a bunch of kids come by and make fun of him (for being bald). He curses them in the name of God and two bears immediately maul 42 of the children! No one knows insanity and bear-mauling like Herzog, so, really, this is a no-brainer.

Quentin Tarantino (Django Unchained) presents Elijah and the Priests of Baal (1 Kings 18)
The underdog Elijah challenges his oppressors to a god-off. They take to the desert and see once and for all whose god-fu is strongest. Elijah wins, and to celebrate kills every mother-loving one of the priests who opposed him. Extra credit goes to Tarantino here for already using the (mostly made-up) biblical quote in Pulp Fiction to such badass effect.

Tim Burton (Frankenweenie) presents The Apocalypse of John
No book of the Bible calls out for the stop motion treatment more than Revelation. The book describes a world in chaos as angels and demons (all in elaborately convoluted forms) conduct the final act of the world as we know it. It’s true that Burton has tended to temper his dark stories with a touch of whimsy, and this text is anything bit whimsical. Still, with the right touches (the heads of the Whore of Babylon’s beast arguing with one another, Death’s hand keeps falling off), we have no doubt that Burton can make the end times fun for the whole family.

Bonus Film: Wes Anderson (The Royal Tenenbaums) presents The Acts of the Apostles
Can this makeshift family of brothers and friends find a way to stay together now that the charismatic man who brought them all together has gone to heaven? Wes Anderson may not be “dark” so much as “precious,” but he could still do a bang-up job following the apostles and their friends as they try to navigate the world after Jesus has left them behind. They all share a meal where everyone starts talking in tongues, they experiment with communism, and there is a great subplot with an upstart named Paul who wants to be part of the family. A few poignant monologues, some nostalgic cinematography, and the film practically writes itself.

What bible stories do you want to see made into movies?

Tags: movies, the bible, black swan, darren aronofsky

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